The Evolution of Friends

It's been quite a while since I've posted an article on here that had no reference to sports. Maybe it's because for the most part, life has been static - still no work (although I feel like I'm getting closer to getting work). No work equates to lessening of doing much on the social end of things - less going out to eat, less bar visits, and sadly, the elimination of being a regular member of a bowling team (I am a sub this year instead). So yeah - not much going on that's sparked my mind to write.

But just now, an idea sprung up as I was staring at my Twitter account 10 minutes shy of 4am local time. I was reminded of one avenue of my life that has probably occupied way too much of my time in the past few months, yet has had a great effect on my daily life - and that is Twitter itself.

And it got me to thinking about the evolution of my friendships, starting all the way from my early years as a 4-5 year old to now and how it's all somehow merged into the current life that I live.

I've found seven distinct times in my life of friendships. For the purposes of this blog, I have not mentioned family specifically (even though I consider many in my family to be friends), for I was born into it - you are assumed to be in the range of ages 0 thru current.


1. The Mister Rodgers Friends (ages 4 thru 8) - This is the group of friends who I grew up with, the guys who lived on the block or within a few blocks of my house. The neighborhood friends. Playing ball in front of the house, running around with endless energy, and the random games played, these friends defined the first part of my life. While I still have a couple of friends who I still talk to from this time in my life, unfortunately many of these friends moved away from my neighborhood at a young age before I could get to know them as teenagers and eventually adults. Maybe it was for the better - they could be raging douche bags right now for all I know. The others I lost touch with from this time were usually the product of changed social circles in future school years.

2. The Sports/Club Friends (ages 8 thru 18) - This span of time includes an "amazing" athletic career that spanned glorious Little League seasons and a few less-than-glorious basketball seasons (go ahead, look at the trophies I won, hell if I even know where they are). These seasons ranged from sitting on the bench for the majority of a travelling All-Star team (at the age of 8, I learned very quickly on how badly adults want to win Little League games) to prouder moments, such as a game-winning hit in one of the first night baseball games I ever played (an All-Star match-up between neighboring towns). In between all of these moments developed my second group of buddies. With each baseball level spanning two grades, the only group of kids you ever got to play with every year were the guys in your grade, but I still got to know the kids a year older and a year younger fairly well.

Looking back on it, I don't think I kept many friends from this era of my life either, except when you head into the latter half of the time frame and you focus on the limited clubs I was in during high school. In lieu of athletic talent that translated to making a high school team, I was a Mathlete. I'm not really sure how I managed to go through junior high and high school as a Math nerd while avoiding being picked on or bullied, but here I sit, glad I don't have the mental scars that may come from that. A few friends of mine from Mathletes (Nick and Chris) are important figures in my life - for they inspired my participation in Fit Happens, a weight loss contest that spanned the first half of the year and led to me losing about 35 pounds (sadly, I've probably put back 15-20 since the contest ended). We also interact constantly during the NFL season, even if it's as indirect as participating in a year-long NFL contest for a few years running now. Outside of them though, no friends from this era remain.

3. The Work Friends (Ages 16-17) - While I didn't know it at the time, when I was applying for jobs in the summer of 1999 in hopes of landing my first job as a teenager with a license, I was actually applying for who I was going to spend my adulthood with (and basically applying for the rest of my life). Had another company other than Jewel/Osco (a Chicago-based grocery story) called my parent's house and interviewed me before they did, I doubt I'd have 95% of my current friends (assuming I took the job). In fact, I remember a pizza company calling a day or two after my interview with Jewel - who would my friends be if they called before Jewel and I took that job?

My friend and his wife (I'm two guys away from the groom)

With this group of friends, I drank my first full beer. I've gone on road trips and vacations. I've seen them start serious relationships, have them end, and have others start up. I've stood up in their weddings. I will see them start families. And all the in-between - the cosmic bowling, trips to Beggars Pizza, Monday Nights at Buffalo Wild Wings or a local pub.

And all of this occurs thanks to a thankless job of pushing carts (which was actually my favorite thing to do) and bagging groceries for depressing customers.

Look back on your current base of friends, and try see if you can pinpoint a turning point in your life like this. Before writing this, I didn't realize how mind-blowing this part of my life is in hindsight. I am glad Jewel called me back for an interview, and then hired me. For that $5.45 an hour, I got a whole lot more away from the job.

4. The College Friends (Ages 18-22) - Compared to the previous era of friends, this one pales in comparison. I have a few people I still speak to from U of I that are great friends, but this was a place and time that is remembered in a totally different manner. I have great memories of the dorm days, nights spent on endless hours of Mario Kart and Ladder Matches on the WWF games on my Nintendo 64. When the dorm setting transformed into an apartment life, so did the type of entertainment. Instead of video games, the prime form of fun was the small parties I threw, primarily in my junior year. Those who were lucky enough to see the dances on the mini-fridge will never forget those moments. Strangely, I think I speak with more people who came to those parties (people who went to school at the neighboring Parkland College) than I do with dormmates/classmates from UIUC.



I quickly learned after college that most of these people, especially the guys who I lived in the dorm with, were situational friends - which was probably perfect looking back.

5. The Work Friends, Part 2 (Ages 24-27) - My first professional work setting was during this time. I got this job thanks to a lead from one of my few friends from UIUC. The people I met through this time in my life saw me go through quite the transformation as a young adult, particularly towards the end of my time there. While I'd say I retain a few more friends from this point in my life than college, I would say that many fit in the same position as the college friends, where many of us were friends while working together but completely lost touch when my time there ended.

And I should stress - the situational friends should not be looked at negatively. It's a part of life actually. After all, it's impossible to remain close to that many people when you no longer see them on a daily basis. Remaining close to every person you've had at every school you've been to, every job you've had, is not possible. If you're lucky, some of the ones who are no longer on your daily/weekly routine of work/school will want to get together on a random Saturday afternoon.

6. The School Friends, Part 2 (Age 27-28) - This sequence was a shorter one, as there were fewer people involved in this specific situation. With the broadcasting program I took only occupying 10 months, the time of fraternizing was much limited compared to a 4-year university setting. I knew that I would likely never talk to many of the people I had in class with (about 20 people) once the program was over. And for the most part, it's been accurate. I set up a Facebook group for us to keep in touch, which we do occasionally. I like hearing the good stories that some of them share about work successes that are related to the radio/TV broadcasting classes we took there. And if that's the main part of our relationships going forward, that's ok. I've tried a few times after our program ended in April 2011 for us to get together, but only a few people will even show. I hope all of my friends from this era succeed in broadcasting or whatever it is they decide to do.

7. The Online Friends (Age 28 - current) - While I worked a job at this time, my office settings were such that I did not have opportunities to meet new people and participate in happy hours and other social occasions with co-workers. This also applied to my dating life. The limited number of relationships I had up until this age in my life had been of the traditional "meeting a friend of a friend and dating that person" that has probably occurred throughout time. The problem with this approach is - once you're single again, and your friends no longer have friends to introduce you to, the well dries up. And if you live in a smaller population (i.e. not a huge city like Chicago) like I did, even your options at the bars to meet new people are very limited. If you go into the same bar on the same day of the same week in the Chicago suburbs, you will notice similar faces in the bar every week. Once I noticed this fact, I knew I had to try a different approach to meeting women.

Me and Jen as Peg & Al Bundy for Halloween 2011

You all know the story now -> guy joins online dating website -> guy goes on a few dates -> guy falls in love with a girl -> guy's family/friends become girl's family/friends and vice versa. And with meeting Jen, I have been introduced to my latest group of friends...her friends. With as long as we've been dating though, I don't think there's debate now that they are OUR friends. There's been several times in our time dating where I will actually hang out with some of these people without Jen around. I don't feel any differently around this group than I would my own group of friends.

Also during this time, I have joined Twitter and found a limitless number interesting characters among the 140-character-limit confines of the website. I have found a niche of using Twitter to share my thoughts on sports, as well as some other random material that I normally wouldn't post on Facebook.

One of the most different features of Twitter that Facebook has somewhat installed on its end is the ability to follow someone without them having to follow you - or to more accurately describe the benefit, the opposite should be mentioned - someone can choose to follow your content and what you say, but the follow back is not necessarily a given (while in a Facebook "friendship", you have equal access to their profile as they do of yours [unless you set up some customized security stuff on the side]).  Why is this nice? Personally, I get a kick out of someone, anyone, giving two craps about what I think or say about a subject. Some might be following me just to see who I like in the weekly slate of NFL games - and hey, that's fine too, but maybe it's the narcissistic element of "hey, someone gives a damn what I think about something, and I've never met them face-to-face or even talked to about 90% of these people" that makes me pause and realize the power that this social media has.

The Big 3-0-0: Looking Back at What My Blog Was & What It Has Become

The blogs are starting to add up. Now serving #300.

I'm delighted to get to such a high number. When I first starting writing these in September 2010 under the blogger.com domain, I wasn't sure how long I'd be writing these for. Other attempts at maintaining blogs failed miserably. For the life of me, I can't remember the blog site that I wrote a couple dozen postings on during my college years, and I probably deleted most/all of the posts as I became more aware of the permanence of all things Internets. Then, Myspace entered the picture and I was able to share with everyone my emotion at the time of writing the blog as well as a song to go with it. I finally got around to deactivating my Myspace about a year ago.

I'm not even sure what got me writing again. I guess it was the easiest way for me to express my sports thoughts. It may have been out of boredom, not really sure. -My first blog set the tone somewhat for what was to come with this setting: a blog about sports, gambling, and uhhh, sports. From there, there was a fair share of immature, pointless blogs (kinda like this one). The blog after that was titled, "Florida: America's Wang." Classy, I know.

But I believe it has become a tad more mature and a lot more well-rounded. I've tackled some issues that have bothered me. I've had fun at my dad's expense, although I'm not sure where the picture for this blog went. I've tried to predict the past three seasons (including this season) of baseball, basketball and football, at a very low success rate. I believe the only prediction that's come close to being right was predicting Miami over OKC last year in the NBA Finals - didn't really take a brain surgeon for that.

I've also gotten political lately, starting with last year's SOPA madness that resulted in me writing a few letters to my local senators, even getting a nice response back from Mark Kirk. I won't bother linking the Dick Durbin one since, well...yeah. I also threw my support behind a president for the first time in my life. The last time I voted before 2012 was for John Kerry (as reluctantly as one could vote for someone), so these writings about Gary Johnson were refreshing to transcribe, as his beliefs align with my own about government's role in our lives and our society.

But what really took my blog into a new readership was the introduction into my online dating life. Based on the enormous views that I got from those blogs (three of my top 10 viewed blogs came from that seven-chapter series), there's nothing y'all like more than the juicy tidbits of single people's love lives. One of these top-viewed blogs comes from my date with the lovely and beautiful Jen, who I am still with to this day. One thing that came out of this blog series, outside of people being really curious with my love life, was the realization that my blogs about personal stuff (not the "what I ate for dinner" crap but more the "here's a fun new thing I'm trying out or a realization I've come to") were well-received and well-read. That doesn't mean I've abandoned my bread-and-butter which is sports, but I've kept that in mind while trying to balance the sports stuff with the fun, random life observations.

There's plenty of other things I could link up that I'm proud of writing, like my series on fans of out-of-town teams (I am looking to expand on that for next season - goal is to get at least 6-8 more fan bases represented). It was fun to get people to interact with me and make their stories come to life a little bit.

I originally titled this blog Hawaii 3-0-0, thinking I might end up writing about my pending Hawaii trip. As I've been known to do, I went off on a little tangent and ended up writing exactly one paragraph about it. Which reminds me, I created an urban dictionary word five years ago when hanging out with my cousin Frank. I found it as I was looking for the old blogging page that I used in 2004/2005. Here's the word, in case you are interested in looking at it: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=tangentation.

Anywho, I hope you all continue to read my blogs, no matter the subject. I hope to come up with some new ideas for blogs in the near future, including some potential new series of blogs.

Thanks for reading. Hope you continue to read for another 300 more and beyond.

A Year in Headlights

Remember that short dating blog that I did last year? That was by far the most interested people were in reading my blog. I know people connect to more human stories - my human stories about the Bears not covering last week just won't cut it for the average reader I guess.

In all seriousness, I appreciate any reader that comes to my site and spends a few minutes every week (or even every month) taking a look at my opinion/thoughts on whatever the topic may be. The political blog I wrote last week was by far my most shared blog I ever wrote. I can't say I'll write a ton of those - if I had to guess, maybe one or two more before the election to be honest.

I've been straying away from the personal blogs lately because I get so hyped up on football season coming around that I lose some of my focus about other things around me. I'm going to try changing that.

Tonight's topic, however briefly I may address it, comes as the one year mark of my dating site adventure officially coming to an end. Anyone with a Facebook and who looked at my page today saw that Jen and I just celebrated our one-year anniversary, which went very well. I usually end up going overboard with days like this - so naturally I gave her a rose at midnight, bought ourselves a Galaxy 10.1 tablet, made breakfast for dinner, sent her flowers to her work and also spelled out "I heart U" in Coke Zero, Fresca and 312 cans - all of which were consumed in the apartment in the past 3 days - on our living room floor. The cans are still sitting there btw.

The guys reading this are hating me because their girls who are reading this are hating them - at least that's what I'm aiming for. I don't think you have to go as extreme as I did, nor do I think you should limit it to just special days (like anniversary, Valentine's Day, crap like that) - which I don't. Just make sure you don't take your relationships with anyone (including friendships, bonds w/ family, etc)  for granted.

Heading back to the dating relationship topic...the longer you are in a relationship with someone, the more settled you become, which may make you less spontaneous. I wasn't sure at first what I wanted to do for our one year, but knew I wanted to do something special. I'm usually pretty good at this stuff but was taking a while to come up with an original idea, something that would be something new from the Bolek arsenal.

I think I need to heed my own advice and start being a little more spontaneous with people, show them I care and that I won't take them for granted.

As the second year of me and Jen's great relationship begins, I'll need to keep this in mind. Spontaneous, random stuff are the stories we tell (or at least the stories we prefer to tell), not the boring routine. Most of you don't need to know how much sports I consume on a weekly basis or who my favorite bet is for the week (unless you're looking to completely fade my pick, which I understand). It's the randomness that people enjoy talking about AND hearing about.

I hope to keep things fresh and make the second year just as new and fun as the first year was.

B List - 10 Months (List 10)

I swear I didn't plan my 10th list to have this title, but it has this name for a reason. Today is the 10 month mark in me and Jen's relationship. Everything is going great so far. We're both still very happy together, and our new living arrangement has been a success.

I figured I'd highlight 10 days (1 day in each month) of our relationship, without getting too sappy and make people want to vomit. I'll just go chronologically:

1. September 20, 2011 - Of course, I have to highlight this date.  I've written about it before, but there's a few random things I forgot if I mentioned before: (a) We went to DMK, a burger joint that Jen said she never would have suggested if she knew how picky I was. (b) I remember making a comment about someone holding the door open for us, saying (in a joking way) that I wish I would have been able to do it since she talked up chivalry in her dating profile. (c) Watching the movie Bridesmaids was probably the only time I've ever enjoyed a "chick flick" and would actually want to watch it again (although we haven't).

Me and the Bud Man

2. October 1, 2011 - This being one of the sadder days of my life, it felt good having someone I could talk to and comfort me. This was the day that my family and I put our dog Buddy down. I still occasionally look at the blog I wrote in his honor the day he died and get teary-eyed. The day was made easier when I went to go hang out with her downtown and meet some of her friends for the first time. Not exactly the best day to meet people for the first time with all the emotions going through my mind. But I'm glad I did go downtown that day - it helped me get my mind off of the sadness encountered earlier in the day and it was the first time I got to meet some of Jen's great friends.

3. November 11, 2011 - She's gonna hate that I forgot the name of the Cajun restaurant we went to on her birthday, but I enjoyed the steak that I ate and I was very happy that she was able to eat some food that we don't normally go out for - given my very particular food tastes. It was the first in a weekend of birthday stuff for her weekend, including going to see a comedy show and capped off by a Bears game.

4. December 23, 2011 - The day before we were supposed to go to over to her Mom's for Christmas stuff, we hung out and decided that we would start our own Christmas tradition of opening one gift on the 23rd - our own Festivus tradition. I had her open my gift of elephant figurines that I bought for her and knew she would like. I received a "Bazinga!" t-shirt that I proudly wear around to this day. It was a great start to the Christmas season.

5. January 1, 2012 - It was the first New Year's in a while that I had a date to kiss, so I definitely enjoyed that part of it. I am glad that she was open to going to my friend's party for the new year, especially a party where she only knew a few people. And best yet - she was willing to be the designated driver! What a sweetheart. But the best part of the night was going to White Castle to ring in the new year. Now that's true romance.

The Bear and The Roses

6. February 14, 2012 - Like the previous occasion, I hadn't had a Valentine on the Hallmark holiday in a while. And yes, while I was single, I shunned the holiday and didn't think much of it. I didn't do anything over-the-top Hollywood on this day - just bought her a huge teddy bear and some flowers. She made me a delicious dinner. We stayed in and watched TV - my idea of romance.

The Bunny & His Babe

7.  March 31, 2012 - We went over to Jen's aunt and uncle's in Princeton, IL and I agreed to play the role of the Easter Bunny for Jen's cousin's kid. I had a blast, as you can see based on this picture. Easter was over a week away, but the family wanted to celebrate it a week early. It was yet another great time had in the presence of her family. I make a sexy bunny. Paging Hugh Hefner.

8. April 7, 2012 - We signed our lives away for a year...the official day of me and Jen signing off on our current place. One of the most expensive decisions I've ever made - but also one of the best. No regrets on that front.

The cat getting in the way of moving

9. May 31, 2012 - Crazy day of moving Jen and myself out of our respective places. See all the boxes piled in the moving truck and my dad's van made me realize that we were taking our relationship to the next level - moving in together. It is hard to believe that it took me so long to move out, but I believe I was always looking for the right situation. Apparently the right situation took 25+ years of living in the parent's place.

Grillmaster

10.  June 18, 2012 - Let's be honest - it didn't become our place until the first grilling session. It was the first meal I was able to cook for us - and funny, neither of us remember whether it was brats or hamburgers. Either way it was delicious meat. Along with a beer in hand, who could ask for a better scenario?

As you can see, there's been plenty of days over the months that have been awesome at the same time. And many more to look forward to.

And to those who notice this list is 3 items longer than normal - you're right. I bent the rule on this one. So sue me.

Stairway out of '11: The Year That Was

The year that was - it was 2011.
Some great things entered my life, some went to heaven.

Goodbye to my wonderful Grandma, a great woman to all.
Always around for us whenever we'd rise and fall.

So long to my Buddy of 15 years, man's best friend.
The old man was loyal until the very end.

For the loss I had, there was plenty of good in my life.
I had a great pair of friends who took the dive

Into a marriage that was as unique as themselves.
Definitely something to keep in my memory shelf.


My Niners are surprising, no Christmas coal.
I'm crossing my fingers for a Super Bowl.

There was the usual Vegas trip (ok, two).
At least I won (wait, I did lose).

What was unusual was activity in dating.
In the past I was left alone and debating

An online route to meet a great girl
After a two-month relationship, I entered the online dating world.

Met a pretty ginger who has been amazing.
Feeling like a kid who is star gazing.

It's nice to have another half to make things whole
Someone to compliment the heart and soul.

With these things in my life, I have much to love.
My family and friends continue to fit me like a glove.

It's fun to grow old around all these fools I know.
The theatre of life, there's always a great show.

The Mayans say that the world will end soon.
I'll take my chances that day and sleep till noon.

For 2011 exits, 2012 will begin.
And hopefully I'll be singing this happy tune all over again.

30 Days & Not Confused (Chapter 7)

It's only been a month, but it feels like it's been a lot longer.

Of course, the first pictures have to be completely goofy.

I speak of the budding relationship I am in currently. It feels like the relationship has been going on for a few months - but in a good way. When you talk to someone consistently for a 30 day period, that's what will cause that feeling.

The conversations span from texts to calls, and of course, in person. They are conversations that are all over the place too - from sports to our pasts, from music to food and pretty much everything in between.

It's been a while since I've had such a wide base of conversations, especially with a g/f. I don't know if others look at that aspect of a relationship as much as I do. Looks are important, sure, but what good is a good-looking girl to date if you have nothing to talk about. Communication is the key to any relationship we develop in life, whether it be a business relationship or a personal one.

It's because of this good and open communication that I find myself more and more optimistic about what will come out of this relationship. Plans of Halloween parties and Halloween-related activities will be followed by a great birthday weekend for the lady (taking her to her first Bears game in November). There are also plans of not one but TWO! Thanksgiving dinners together (one with her family, one with mine).

(At this point, she and others of you reading this can tease me about my liking of having plans set. While I realize this is part of a self-diagnosed OCD, I attribute it more to having something to look forward to. And as you've read in the above paragraph, there's plenty to look forward to)

It's been as great of a 30-day start as one could expect to a relationship, and as you can see, the next 30 days and beyond have a lot to offer.

If you haven't had the chance to meet the lady yet, you're definitely missing out and I hope that changes soon.

up-Date (Chapter 6)

About 6 weeks back, I ventured into the online dating world. I had no idea what would come of it, but I figured it'd be better than continuing the same failed path that I had taken for the most part of the past two years before that.

Outside of meeting girls through friends, I never had any luck with meeting new people. A new path was necessary.

As you read in Chapters 2, 3 and especially chapter 5, I chronicled dates that I went on. With Chapter 5, I did not give it as much lip service because I wanted to respect the privacy of the date in addition to not exposing myself as much as I did in previous blogs.

In any regard, I feel comfortable giving a two week update in my first relationship from the dating site. She's an awesome girl. Lives in the city, but not afraid to come visit the suburbs (a necessary for this to work).

(to think I almost didn't message her because I figured most city people would not want to maintain a relationship with someone who lives in the burbs!)

She's met a few people so far and seems to get along well with those that she has met. She got to meet Buddy in the week before we put him down and has been a great help in getting me through it.

She has great taste in music - not like most girls I know who seem to like country and country only. If you're a girl and reading this, don't get wound up by this generalization! This summer, it seemed like every girl I knew went to country music concerts this summer and country music concerts only.

She knows how to cook, works a steady job that she loves, and her friends and mom who just met me love me. Who could blame them? Seriously, I'm awesome.

But seriously, I can't remember being this happy in a while, even amid the tragedy I just experienced.

I figured I'd give all of you an update on it, even if it was just a short update, and hopefully you'll get a chance to meet the new lady soon.

Chi-town Date of Mind (Chapter 5)

The date went well.



The end.



Really, that's all I have to say....it went well!



The girl is awesome and the date (hamburger joint and a movie) went well. I think I mentioned the date went well, right?


Dating sites do work. Best choice I've made this year.


These abstract blogs are a lot easier to write I must say!


If you wanna know more about it, I'd rather share in person. Figured I'd let all B-Bo Knows Online Dating Blog readers know of the result.


Ok, this time for real.....The End.

Counting My Chickens (Chapter 4)

The past two weeks, I've received more response in person about my blogs than any other time in the past year that I've written a blog. I never would have guessed that people would this much of a crap about my dating life and where the online dating world takes me. The step-by-step stuff that I've shared seems to make the story more relate-able to everyone.

The fact that the 3 dating blogs have all reached top 5 blog status - including the last one which currently has 118 views (a record for this blog) - proves to me the level of interest that everyone has with it. It's been fun writing the blogs so far. Even more fun to have people come up to me and tell me how much they have loved the stories so far.

Another thing I didn't account for, however, is how vulnerable I make myself when I share my life with the hundreds of people I know on Facebook. Don't get me wrong - I love sharing some stories of my life with everyone.  But this past week, I may have been jumping the gun with things when it comes to the dating thing.

"Bad News Never Had Good Timing"

So it turns out that there will not be a second date. An online discussion Sunday night with the girl of the first date had her opening up to me and saying that she'd just like to be friends - which isn't all that new of a phrase to me - and no, I'm not looking for sympathy, just being honest in that I've heard that a lot, especially lately.

And I have no ill-will towards anyone who says it, including this case. I just don't care for the people who say that and then never bother maintaining their end of "Let's Just Be Friends". It's easy to figure those out. Luckily, some of the people who I've heard say that have held up their end of the bargain.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed - because I am. Hell, it seemed to be the only thing I spoke about to people the past week. The people who asked me about my chances, I tried stressing that I am cautiously optimistic. That was no lie, because I knew there was no guarantees after the first date.

And please, no ill will towards Date-1.

"On to the Next One"

So after I've told dozens of people in person and 100s of readers about what was to come of my week this week with a second date that wasn't, I find myself with my pants around my ankles somewhat. I know that there was a chance of things not working out when starting this blog, but I felt (and still feel) compelled to share some of this stories. Especially since people seem to respond to it so well.


I went back on the site and messaged a few new possibilities. I'll go back to my strategy of messaging new people that I would like to meet and hope that I can get another date out of it.

Depending on results and stories, I may update this segment weekly or a couple times a week. I hope to have more success stories to share with you. Although there is a part of me that may not want to build these things up in such a public forum, but rather do it in private conversations with people.

But one thing this guy won't do is quit. I did meet a cool girl off of the site so far and wouldn't mind at this point if she lived up to her "Let's Be Friends" thing - so the site definitely is not a total loss.

Time to march on and meet the next girl.

Date & See (Chapter 3)

For those of you who haven't been following my online dating, here are the first two chapters of my journey in the online dating world:

Chapter 1 (Intro to Online Dating)
Chapter 2 (Reflection After a Week)

The end of chapter 2 has me looking forward to a date, which occurred earlier this week.

In the day or two preceding the date, I must say it was a mixture of anxiousness, excitement and a tad bit of nervousness. I was more calmed than anything though since during that time, I was able to keep in touch with the date as we got to know each other better through some online conversation and then after exchanging numbers, some texting. As we talked more, it seemed like we kept finding more things that we had in common - which made me look forward to the date that much more.

Date Day - Stay Cool, Ice Cold (Before the Date)

Date day comes. You would think that I'd have a slight nervousness at points in the day, especially as my work day progresses towards its end. I was as cool as a cucumber (to be honest, I never understood this phrase - probably because I don't handle cucumbers and have no idea on their temperature tendencies). I knew it to be a more casual of a first date, so a polo and jeans would suffice.

I had to stop at a gas station for some breath mints, so Mentos it was - a fairly insignificant event compared to the next one I almost faced. I almost didn't make it to my first date. As I was heading north on Pulaski, a car turning left was somewhat impeding the path of a car behind it, so it creeped into my lane, missing me by inches. Luckily, when I slammed on the brakes, there was no one tailing me.

The Waiting Game

So I get to the date a little early and text my date, letting her know what to look for and that I'll be waiting outside. She texts me close to the start of the date time, saying she's just about to leave and apologizes several times.

Waiting, playing on my Crackberry, waiting some more.

I'm not going to be left at a pizza place by myself on what was supposed to be my first date, am I?

I knew she lived closed, so I was doubting she had left - sure enough, she hadn't. I get another text apologizing even more, assuring me she had just left and she'll explain when she gets there.

Finally....The Date

My phone had froze when I accidently deleted an app of mine, so I had to restart it. In that time, she texted me where I was at, but luckily I saw someone who matched her profile looking like she was looking for someone.

(Sidenote: I mean, who wouldn't be looking for me? I mean, look at me, right? End of sidenote)

I give somewhat of an awkward hug to her to say hello, tell her I'm starving and let's get some food! We ended up going to Barraco's in Evergreen Park and getting some deep dish pizza. I'd say the conversation flowed well, much like the online conversations we had been having. I got to learn about her adventures from the summer and other past stories that she told that showed me that she was comfortable talking to me. I always appreciate people who can open up to me, but this being a first date and first time meeting each other, I appreciated it that much more. It helps I'm sure that I've opened up to her a lot about random crap.

Part 1 of the date being over, we stood outside of the Barraco's trying to figure out our next step of the date. I even said to her that we were looking like a bunch of idiots standing outside of a restaurant that is adjacent to a busy street. Luckily, the term idiot or whatever offshoot of the word I used doesn't seem to offend her. We finally decided on living up to the bet that we made the day before via text: loser of a darts game has to buy the other ice cream.

(Sidenote 2: I really did enjoy the simpleness of the date - pizza, darts and ice cream. It seemed to fit both of our personalities well)

So we go to Durbins in Burbank for a few games of darts. After ordering our only drinks (me a Blue Moon, her a Jack and Coke), we get into our dart games. From these games, I learn that she is very competitive, as she says she may not talk to me again if I beat her. I do appreciate her competitive nature, as we both agree that nobody should ever participate in any activity and not expect to win. My prospects of talking to her beyond the date were looking good, as I was quickly trailing after 5 rounds in our first Count Up game of darts by over 130. In round 6, I pulled a round of 129 out of my ass (2 triple 20s and a 9) and then overtook her in the next round to capture the victory. Needless to say, she wasn't happy. I didn't need quite the comebacks in the next two games, both victories for me. Game 4 was hers, but the damage was done. I won 3 of 4 games and essentially ruined my chances of talking to her beyond this date.

Just kidding. We ended up getting ice cream after - a Neopolitan scoop with another ice cream for her (sorry, I forgot the other scoop) and a double peanut butter/chocolate scoop - both waffle cones. Apparently, the Baskin Robbins we went to holds some significance to her, with her and her friends spending many a night being obnoxious (hmmmm....sounds like me and my friends traditionally being obnoxious at bowling alleys and restaurants). We continued to converse well there and called it a night a little after 11pm.

As we walk outside, I thought about a kiss on the cheek good night but figured that since we established a second date that maybe it could wait. Before hugging her good bye, I made note of her looking better in person than she did through her pictures. She appeared to blush - yeah, let's say she blushed when I said that. I'm pretty sure she did. Once she reads this, she can let me know if she did.

I drove off back to home with a satisfied feeling after date 1 and was (and am) very anxious for date 2 to take place. We established an idea for a date 2 that I consider to be a revolutionary contribution to the dating world....and I will let you know about that idea next week.

Daters Gonna Date (Chapter 2)

It's been a week since I started using the dating site, and I must say my opinion of it fluctuated a lot in my first 48 hours of using it.

Here's a link for part 1 of my online dating (intro)


Initial impressions, first 24 hours

After setting up my account and answering personality questions that would presumably match me up with ladies that had similar personalities, I browsed through the list of girls that they said I matched up well with. I had no idea how I would "approach" these girls, so my strategy was to take a few things from each of their profiles and try starting a "conversation" about the said topics.

My first week goal was to message a few girls a day, with the expectation that some wouldn't respond. I started with my strategy and started messaging a few girls. The first day total of messages was about 6 or 7. No messages back.

Great. Now it was feeling exactly like applying for jobs when I was unemployed. The profile and picture acting as the cover letter/resume and the girls as the jobs I am applying for. Except in this case, I was not as frustrated with the dating site as I would be applying for work. I figure some patience and due dilligence.

A few more messages sent the next day, no response yet. I had in mind a goal of messaging throughout the week and see the results that came from it, so no worries.

Some Breakthrough

As I am in between doctor's appointments Monday evening, I reach out to another girl and finally get a response back like 20-30 minutes later. After a few exchanges the same evening, we started talking on yahoo messenger. These conversations would take place a few times the next 3 days, a few hours each convo. We ended up setting up a date for this upcoming Tuesday. She seems to have a lot in common and contributes a lot to the conversations, which with most new people, I'm not used to.

In the meanwhile, there were a few other responses, including a facebook connection that has resulted in some conversation - but not as much. So out of the 12 or so messages I sent out, I batted 25%, which is a lot better of a ratio than I could say about a job hunt - so perhaps it wasn't as correct of an analogy as I made it out to be.

Must say that I am impressed with the site so far. It might be one of the better decisions I made in the 2nd half of 2011 - time will tell. All I know is that I "talked" to a lot more girls (or so I think they're women) on this site this week than I would have in any given week.

I'm not the type of guy who picks up girls at bars or goes to clubs and gets women that way. Pretty much every girl I've met and gotten to know has been because she was friends with my friend and we just so happened to meet that way. I feel like I've exhausted just about all of those options, so the dating site was the next logical step.

With a date in my back pocket for this week, I'd say it's been so far, so good. I hope my update next week will be sharing the same sentiments.

Better Date Than Never (Intro)

This afternoon, I spent a couple hours conquering one of my biggest social phobias. No, it wasn't drinking outside naked (psh, like I'd be afraid of that). Today, for the first time, I set up an online dating account. It doesn't sound like something that someone should be afraid of admitting that they use.

Maybe it wasn't so much being afraid of admitting to use as it was that I just assumed that my random daily life of going out would have me meeting new people on an occasional basis. As it turns out, unless you (or at least I) meet new friends from the current group of friends that you have, then it makes it very difficult to achieve this goal.

Ok, so maybe it was a small fear of admitting to use...

As you can figure out by now, I am single again. Nothing to weep about or say "I'm sorry" about - we both agreed about the different directions that we wanted to go and it was about as mutual of a breakup as there could be. After exploring a possibility that went nowhere, I decided that I would give this dating site crap a shot.

It wasn't until Friday where I seriously considered it though. My friend uses the site OkCupid and had it recommended to him by a friend. It seems like he's had some bites, but nothing major yet. So I figure, why the hell should I be afraid to go on a site like this?

It's not like my normal single life ways of getting girls throughout the years were working. In the back of my mind though, I figured I'd want to meet women randomly and hope we connect and not depend on a match maker site. The stigma of being a loser who needs a site probably entered my mind, but why, I don't know. It's not like at the end of the day it matters how you meet.

I am fully on board now.

In fact, dating sites seem to be a better way of matching people with similar personalities. The 80 or so questions that I answered about myself and certain situations have (so far) matched me up with people who have similar likes and interests - assuming they are telling the truth in their profiles. I'd like to think they are, but maybe it's the naive part of me that believes that. I know I didn't fudge anything on my profile - for I would like to get the most I possibly can out of it.

I know of a few people that have used sites before with success. Whether they work long-term better than random meetings with people is up for debate. For someone such as myself that has limited resources on meeting new people consistently, online doesn't seem like a bad method of at least starting the conversation that would normally take place at a bar or party. And not only that, you're conversing with someone you believe to have similar interests as you already.

I've messaged a few girls so far - so we'll see if anything comes of it. I'm sure I'll share my story/stories of how it works (or if it doesn't). All I know is that I couldn't sit here making excuses anymore on not to use a site (especially a free one), so here goes nothing.

Wish me well.