(Fan Blog 2 of 6 - idea courtesy of Chris Williams)
Judge: The case of Rick Reilly v Adult Jersey Wearers of America is now in session.
We've already heard the prosecution's case against the Jersey Wearers from Mr. Reilly, which he wrote in late 2010 and recited to the court, as seen here: Reilly. Several witnesses called up by the prosecution have stated their case that adults should not wear jerseys to preserve societal order at sporting events and to create a more family-friendly environment.
Would the defendant please take the stand to be examined?
Defendant Lawyer (DL): When you read this article by the head of the prosecution, how did you feel after reading it?
Man in Scalabrine Jersey (MSJ): To be quite honest, I was caught off guard by this blanket judgement of jersey wearers. Mr. Reilly has never seen me at sporting events and bars enjoying a drink or eight, with people coming up to me and bowing to me for wearing this jersey every time I go out. It's mainly douchebags who come up to me, but they come up to me and praise me for wearing it nonetheless. Hell, I've worn the jersey more than the man has himself.
DL: So what you are telling the court is that your encounters as an adult jersey wearer have been nothing but positive?
MSJ: Well, it did set me back $75 - and the site even gave me a chance to get out of buying the jersey by requiring me to customize the jersey. Sad thing was, I wasn't even drunk when buying it.
DL: I think you're misunderstanding me. What I meant was: when going out to the bars and games, you've enjoyed nothing but praise from douchebags....I mean drunken Bulls fans, correct?
MSJ: That is correct.
DL: So if Rick Reilly were to be watching this, what would you have to say to him about grown men who wear jerseys?
MSJ: Very simple, my man. It's not the jersey that makes an idiot. The person who starts fights at games was born an idiot. A jersey just gives the general public an easier way to identify them. Like, 'Hey, look at that guy in the Urlacher jersey calling the Packers fan a Fudge Packer, ain't that funny?' No, it's not, dude. Lay off Grandma's cough syrup and move to Moscow. Hopefully you'll freeze to death, and heaven help us if you already produced offspring. D-bags don't fall far from the tea bag.
Not sure what that meant, but anyways. It's my right as a non-asshole American to wear a jersey and root on my team, no matter what bar or sporting venue I may be at. I will not be afraid of these idiots who aim to ruin my good time.
DL: I rest my case your honor.
Judge: Do you wish to cross-examine the Jersey Wearer of the man who logged 88 minutes of court time in the regular season?
Prosecuting Lawyer (PL): With pleasure...
PL: So, Scalabrine lover, please explain to me why you bought the current jersey you are wearing.
MSJ: Well, I went out with a couple of friends to watch some basketball games. And I've always joked around about buying a Brian Scalabrine jersey, but never had the balls to do it. Then, I saw the myth himself, Scalabrine, step on the court against the Washington Wizards in the last minute of a blowout game. Chicago designed a play for him from the end line, and what do you know- he banks the shot in! Road crowd goes nuts, me and my friends go nuts. It was an awesome moment.
PL: So you're saying that a man whose total time played this year was about the length of a crappy Summer comedy release had an awesome moment at a meaningless point of the game. Why the jersey?
MSJ: Why not? I figured I'd be the only one who had it - and sure enough, I have not seen another one of his jerseys yet.
PL: I have a hunch on that one. So you say you've never experienced any distaste for your jersey?
MSJ: Well, the ladies never praise it, but most of them probably don't even know who he is. Hell, Scalabrine's mom makes him wear the jersey at Thanksgiving dinner just so she remembers his name. Mind you, she does not have Alzheimer's.
PL: But other than that, no ill will directed your way?
MSJ: None.
PL: Would you say that perhaps you've never experienced any negative feedback simply because nobody even knows who this man is? You admitted yourself that his mom doesn't even know who he is.
MSJ: It's possible, but even while wearing my San Francisco 49ers' Frank Gore and Patrick Willis jerseys, I've never had anyone come up to me and want to start something.
PL: Who are the San Francisco 49ers? A Canadian Football League team?
MSJ (looking at the judge): Is this guy serious?
PL: From what I can tell, you wear obscure jerseys of teams/players that no one gives a shit about. I dare you to wear an Aaron Rodgers jersey to Soldier Field.
MSJ: Why would I do that, I....
PL (interrupting): See, your Honor. Even he knows that wearing a Packers jersey in Bear town is dangerous.
MSJ: You didn't let me finish. I was gonna say, I don't give two shits about the Packers.
PL: What are you, chicken?
MSJ (to judge again): Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this guy?
Judge: If we're going to resort to baiting of the Marty McFly sort, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask the prosecution to leave the stand.
PJ: I know you are, but what am I?
Judge: Zip up your pants, Pee Wee. This ain't a peep show.
Judge (cntd): Frankly, I'm appalled that I even wasted the taxpayers' money on this case, but that's the government for ya (courtroom laughs). While the prosecution made its case in presenting witnesses and victims of violence from jersey wearers, one thing remains clear. It is not in my jurisdiction to tell people what they can and cannot wear to sporting events. An idiot is going to be an idiot whether he is wearing a jersey, a business suit or a birthday suit. Likewise, people who go to games in jerseys are just as likely to be victims of violence as those who wear a plain t-shirt and jeans.
The court rules in favor of the Adult Jersey Wearers of America. Court is adjourned. Please get the hell out of my courtroom - all of you. I have a 2pm appointment with blond twin escorts and I don't intend on being a minute late.
5/14/2011
Another Heated Rivalry?
(Fan blog 3 of 6 - idea provided by Brad Zoeteman)
Pistons/Bulls: The Start of Rivalries in Chicago Basketball
Back in the late 1980s, the Detroit Pistons were the thorn in the side of the Chicago Bulls. The Bad Boys from Motown knocked the Bulls out of the playoffs 3 straight times (1988-1990). In all three of those seasons, the Pistons made it to the Finals, winning back-to-back titles in 1989 and 1990. It was the type of rivalry that sparked interest in Chicago basketball to a new generation of fans all across the country. It had the perfect set-up of good guys vs. the Bad Boys, and right at the dawn of the merging of Jordan and Nike. It was a fan's dream and a marketing firm's wet dream rolled into one.
As everyone knows, the Bulls took "the next step" in 1991, overcoming the Pistons in impressive fashion- a 4 game sweep en route to their first franchise championship. Many people took note of the classless way the Pistons left the court without shaking hands with the Bulls - I say it doesn't really matter much and if anything, should be expected from the Bad Boys.
bullsheat
Fast forward 20 years later. The Bulls are in their first conference finals since the Jordan era ended (1997-98). By all accounts, this season came as a surprise to Bulls nation, who were expecting an improvement with the added free agents and another offseason of improvement for Rose, but nothing like this. Vegas thought the same, pegging the Bulls over/under for wins at 47, which was eclipsed with ease.
Their conference final opponent had much different expectations entering the season. Following "El Decision", the Heat were considered co-favorites (along with the Lakers) to win the title. ESPN couldn't get enough footage of these guys, and the cockiness of the newly-formed trio of Wade, James and Bosh leaked into the community. A bar owner promised to pay $25 credit to each customer who watched the whole Heat game every time the Heat lost a game- here's the damage that their season did to him, as of March 8th: (Heat bar owner).
Miami has righted the ship and are actually 2/1 favorites against Chicago despite the Bulls owning the home court advantage. This has to do with the Bulls looking human against fairly average teams in Indiana and Atlanta as much as it does with the Heat looking like the team many expected them to be in the first two rounds. Chicago enters as the underdog despite beating the Heat all three times in the regular season (by a total of 8 points).
And I agree - the Heat should be favorites in spite of those two factors (home court and regular season success). As the playoffs have shown- save game 6 with Boozer playing for his $15M in one game, where Derrick Rose goes, so go the Bulls. If the size/length of whoever they have covering Rose (Wade, James, etc.) affects Rose, more game 6-like performances from Boozer and others are going to need to appear in order for the Bulls to even have a chance in the series. Also, if Udonis Haslem is able to shake the rust of recovering from his injury that kept him out for the whole season up until the middle of last series, the Heat will get an inside presence that will make the lane that much more difficult for Rose to drive through.
Bulls/Heat: Can it deliver like Bulls/Pistons?
Now, the point of the blog, as addressed by Brad: Will the Bulls/Heat rivalry mirror that of the Bulls/Pistons? I believe the short answer, in terms of the intensity of it and the long-term success of both teams, is NO.
I believe the Heat are in much better position to win multiple titles over the next 7-8 years compared to the Bulls. Everyone critiques the Heat for lacking a bench, but when these guys are playing 43-44 minutes in the playoffs and playing better than all of their peers, who the hell needs a bench? Sure, there may be a game where foul trouble plagues James and/or Wade and their opponents capitalize. In the long run though, I'd rather have the Heat's core of players than the Bulls, who outside of Rose don't have anyone who you can say will be a consistent All-Star player for the next 6-8 years.
That's not to say that the Bulls won't get those pieces in the future. However, if the NBA institutes a hard salary cap, these big salaries to Noah, Boozer and Rose (only the latter deserves to be paid like an all-star) will make it difficult to get the elusive second scoring option for Rose to dish it off to. You can forget about the Bulls getting Howard if that happens (even if the hard cap doesn't happen, I see Howard going to Boston or LA before he goes to Chicago).
For the Bulls/Heat to even come close to Bulls/Pistons, some of these players need to make themselves true enemies to the opposing fans (taunting, technical fouls, etc.) as opposed to offseason shenanigans (like The Decison and what followed from that) and it should be a defensive-dominated series, where points are a struggle and you can see the players' frustrations with trying to break each team's defense (two of the top defenses in the league this year). But most importantly, they need to face each other at least a handful of times in the next 2-3 years and need to have competitive series. It can't be a rivalry if one team sweeps the other year in, year out (cough, Michigan/Illinois football).
To properly judge this, we will need to see how each of the teams do in the next 3-4 years. Unfortunately for the Bulls, I see their shelf life short-lived if they can't add players better than Boozer and Noah to compliment Rose.
Pistons/Bulls: The Start of Rivalries in Chicago Basketball
Back in the late 1980s, the Detroit Pistons were the thorn in the side of the Chicago Bulls. The Bad Boys from Motown knocked the Bulls out of the playoffs 3 straight times (1988-1990). In all three of those seasons, the Pistons made it to the Finals, winning back-to-back titles in 1989 and 1990. It was the type of rivalry that sparked interest in Chicago basketball to a new generation of fans all across the country. It had the perfect set-up of good guys vs. the Bad Boys, and right at the dawn of the merging of Jordan and Nike. It was a fan's dream and a marketing firm's wet dream rolled into one.
As everyone knows, the Bulls took "the next step" in 1991, overcoming the Pistons in impressive fashion- a 4 game sweep en route to their first franchise championship. Many people took note of the classless way the Pistons left the court without shaking hands with the Bulls - I say it doesn't really matter much and if anything, should be expected from the Bad Boys.
bullsheat
Fast forward 20 years later. The Bulls are in their first conference finals since the Jordan era ended (1997-98). By all accounts, this season came as a surprise to Bulls nation, who were expecting an improvement with the added free agents and another offseason of improvement for Rose, but nothing like this. Vegas thought the same, pegging the Bulls over/under for wins at 47, which was eclipsed with ease.
Their conference final opponent had much different expectations entering the season. Following "El Decision", the Heat were considered co-favorites (along with the Lakers) to win the title. ESPN couldn't get enough footage of these guys, and the cockiness of the newly-formed trio of Wade, James and Bosh leaked into the community. A bar owner promised to pay $25 credit to each customer who watched the whole Heat game every time the Heat lost a game- here's the damage that their season did to him, as of March 8th: (Heat bar owner).
Miami has righted the ship and are actually 2/1 favorites against Chicago despite the Bulls owning the home court advantage. This has to do with the Bulls looking human against fairly average teams in Indiana and Atlanta as much as it does with the Heat looking like the team many expected them to be in the first two rounds. Chicago enters as the underdog despite beating the Heat all three times in the regular season (by a total of 8 points).
And I agree - the Heat should be favorites in spite of those two factors (home court and regular season success). As the playoffs have shown- save game 6 with Boozer playing for his $15M in one game, where Derrick Rose goes, so go the Bulls. If the size/length of whoever they have covering Rose (Wade, James, etc.) affects Rose, more game 6-like performances from Boozer and others are going to need to appear in order for the Bulls to even have a chance in the series. Also, if Udonis Haslem is able to shake the rust of recovering from his injury that kept him out for the whole season up until the middle of last series, the Heat will get an inside presence that will make the lane that much more difficult for Rose to drive through.
Bulls/Heat: Can it deliver like Bulls/Pistons?
Now, the point of the blog, as addressed by Brad: Will the Bulls/Heat rivalry mirror that of the Bulls/Pistons? I believe the short answer, in terms of the intensity of it and the long-term success of both teams, is NO.
I believe the Heat are in much better position to win multiple titles over the next 7-8 years compared to the Bulls. Everyone critiques the Heat for lacking a bench, but when these guys are playing 43-44 minutes in the playoffs and playing better than all of their peers, who the hell needs a bench? Sure, there may be a game where foul trouble plagues James and/or Wade and their opponents capitalize. In the long run though, I'd rather have the Heat's core of players than the Bulls, who outside of Rose don't have anyone who you can say will be a consistent All-Star player for the next 6-8 years.
That's not to say that the Bulls won't get those pieces in the future. However, if the NBA institutes a hard salary cap, these big salaries to Noah, Boozer and Rose (only the latter deserves to be paid like an all-star) will make it difficult to get the elusive second scoring option for Rose to dish it off to. You can forget about the Bulls getting Howard if that happens (even if the hard cap doesn't happen, I see Howard going to Boston or LA before he goes to Chicago).
For the Bulls/Heat to even come close to Bulls/Pistons, some of these players need to make themselves true enemies to the opposing fans (taunting, technical fouls, etc.) as opposed to offseason shenanigans (like The Decison and what followed from that) and it should be a defensive-dominated series, where points are a struggle and you can see the players' frustrations with trying to break each team's defense (two of the top defenses in the league this year). But most importantly, they need to face each other at least a handful of times in the next 2-3 years and need to have competitive series. It can't be a rivalry if one team sweeps the other year in, year out (cough, Michigan/Illinois football).
To properly judge this, we will need to see how each of the teams do in the next 3-4 years. Unfortunately for the Bulls, I see their shelf life short-lived if they can't add players better than Boozer and Noah to compliment Rose.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
