The Evolution of Friends

It's been quite a while since I've posted an article on here that had no reference to sports. Maybe it's because for the most part, life has been static - still no work (although I feel like I'm getting closer to getting work). No work equates to lessening of doing much on the social end of things - less going out to eat, less bar visits, and sadly, the elimination of being a regular member of a bowling team (I am a sub this year instead). So yeah - not much going on that's sparked my mind to write.

But just now, an idea sprung up as I was staring at my Twitter account 10 minutes shy of 4am local time. I was reminded of one avenue of my life that has probably occupied way too much of my time in the past few months, yet has had a great effect on my daily life - and that is Twitter itself.

And it got me to thinking about the evolution of my friendships, starting all the way from my early years as a 4-5 year old to now and how it's all somehow merged into the current life that I live.

I've found seven distinct times in my life of friendships. For the purposes of this blog, I have not mentioned family specifically (even though I consider many in my family to be friends), for I was born into it - you are assumed to be in the range of ages 0 thru current.


1. The Mister Rodgers Friends (ages 4 thru 8) - This is the group of friends who I grew up with, the guys who lived on the block or within a few blocks of my house. The neighborhood friends. Playing ball in front of the house, running around with endless energy, and the random games played, these friends defined the first part of my life. While I still have a couple of friends who I still talk to from this time in my life, unfortunately many of these friends moved away from my neighborhood at a young age before I could get to know them as teenagers and eventually adults. Maybe it was for the better - they could be raging douche bags right now for all I know. The others I lost touch with from this time were usually the product of changed social circles in future school years.

2. The Sports/Club Friends (ages 8 thru 18) - This span of time includes an "amazing" athletic career that spanned glorious Little League seasons and a few less-than-glorious basketball seasons (go ahead, look at the trophies I won, hell if I even know where they are). These seasons ranged from sitting on the bench for the majority of a travelling All-Star team (at the age of 8, I learned very quickly on how badly adults want to win Little League games) to prouder moments, such as a game-winning hit in one of the first night baseball games I ever played (an All-Star match-up between neighboring towns). In between all of these moments developed my second group of buddies. With each baseball level spanning two grades, the only group of kids you ever got to play with every year were the guys in your grade, but I still got to know the kids a year older and a year younger fairly well.

Looking back on it, I don't think I kept many friends from this era of my life either, except when you head into the latter half of the time frame and you focus on the limited clubs I was in during high school. In lieu of athletic talent that translated to making a high school team, I was a Mathlete. I'm not really sure how I managed to go through junior high and high school as a Math nerd while avoiding being picked on or bullied, but here I sit, glad I don't have the mental scars that may come from that. A few friends of mine from Mathletes (Nick and Chris) are important figures in my life - for they inspired my participation in Fit Happens, a weight loss contest that spanned the first half of the year and led to me losing about 35 pounds (sadly, I've probably put back 15-20 since the contest ended). We also interact constantly during the NFL season, even if it's as indirect as participating in a year-long NFL contest for a few years running now. Outside of them though, no friends from this era remain.

3. The Work Friends (Ages 16-17) - While I didn't know it at the time, when I was applying for jobs in the summer of 1999 in hopes of landing my first job as a teenager with a license, I was actually applying for who I was going to spend my adulthood with (and basically applying for the rest of my life). Had another company other than Jewel/Osco (a Chicago-based grocery story) called my parent's house and interviewed me before they did, I doubt I'd have 95% of my current friends (assuming I took the job). In fact, I remember a pizza company calling a day or two after my interview with Jewel - who would my friends be if they called before Jewel and I took that job?

My friend and his wife (I'm two guys away from the groom)

With this group of friends, I drank my first full beer. I've gone on road trips and vacations. I've seen them start serious relationships, have them end, and have others start up. I've stood up in their weddings. I will see them start families. And all the in-between - the cosmic bowling, trips to Beggars Pizza, Monday Nights at Buffalo Wild Wings or a local pub.

And all of this occurs thanks to a thankless job of pushing carts (which was actually my favorite thing to do) and bagging groceries for depressing customers.

Look back on your current base of friends, and try see if you can pinpoint a turning point in your life like this. Before writing this, I didn't realize how mind-blowing this part of my life is in hindsight. I am glad Jewel called me back for an interview, and then hired me. For that $5.45 an hour, I got a whole lot more away from the job.

4. The College Friends (Ages 18-22) - Compared to the previous era of friends, this one pales in comparison. I have a few people I still speak to from U of I that are great friends, but this was a place and time that is remembered in a totally different manner. I have great memories of the dorm days, nights spent on endless hours of Mario Kart and Ladder Matches on the WWF games on my Nintendo 64. When the dorm setting transformed into an apartment life, so did the type of entertainment. Instead of video games, the prime form of fun was the small parties I threw, primarily in my junior year. Those who were lucky enough to see the dances on the mini-fridge will never forget those moments. Strangely, I think I speak with more people who came to those parties (people who went to school at the neighboring Parkland College) than I do with dormmates/classmates from UIUC.



I quickly learned after college that most of these people, especially the guys who I lived in the dorm with, were situational friends - which was probably perfect looking back.

5. The Work Friends, Part 2 (Ages 24-27) - My first professional work setting was during this time. I got this job thanks to a lead from one of my few friends from UIUC. The people I met through this time in my life saw me go through quite the transformation as a young adult, particularly towards the end of my time there. While I'd say I retain a few more friends from this point in my life than college, I would say that many fit in the same position as the college friends, where many of us were friends while working together but completely lost touch when my time there ended.

And I should stress - the situational friends should not be looked at negatively. It's a part of life actually. After all, it's impossible to remain close to that many people when you no longer see them on a daily basis. Remaining close to every person you've had at every school you've been to, every job you've had, is not possible. If you're lucky, some of the ones who are no longer on your daily/weekly routine of work/school will want to get together on a random Saturday afternoon.

6. The School Friends, Part 2 (Age 27-28) - This sequence was a shorter one, as there were fewer people involved in this specific situation. With the broadcasting program I took only occupying 10 months, the time of fraternizing was much limited compared to a 4-year university setting. I knew that I would likely never talk to many of the people I had in class with (about 20 people) once the program was over. And for the most part, it's been accurate. I set up a Facebook group for us to keep in touch, which we do occasionally. I like hearing the good stories that some of them share about work successes that are related to the radio/TV broadcasting classes we took there. And if that's the main part of our relationships going forward, that's ok. I've tried a few times after our program ended in April 2011 for us to get together, but only a few people will even show. I hope all of my friends from this era succeed in broadcasting or whatever it is they decide to do.

7. The Online Friends (Age 28 - current) - While I worked a job at this time, my office settings were such that I did not have opportunities to meet new people and participate in happy hours and other social occasions with co-workers. This also applied to my dating life. The limited number of relationships I had up until this age in my life had been of the traditional "meeting a friend of a friend and dating that person" that has probably occurred throughout time. The problem with this approach is - once you're single again, and your friends no longer have friends to introduce you to, the well dries up. And if you live in a smaller population (i.e. not a huge city like Chicago) like I did, even your options at the bars to meet new people are very limited. If you go into the same bar on the same day of the same week in the Chicago suburbs, you will notice similar faces in the bar every week. Once I noticed this fact, I knew I had to try a different approach to meeting women.

Me and Jen as Peg & Al Bundy for Halloween 2011

You all know the story now -> guy joins online dating website -> guy goes on a few dates -> guy falls in love with a girl -> guy's family/friends become girl's family/friends and vice versa. And with meeting Jen, I have been introduced to my latest group of friends...her friends. With as long as we've been dating though, I don't think there's debate now that they are OUR friends. There's been several times in our time dating where I will actually hang out with some of these people without Jen around. I don't feel any differently around this group than I would my own group of friends.

Also during this time, I have joined Twitter and found a limitless number interesting characters among the 140-character-limit confines of the website. I have found a niche of using Twitter to share my thoughts on sports, as well as some other random material that I normally wouldn't post on Facebook.

One of the most different features of Twitter that Facebook has somewhat installed on its end is the ability to follow someone without them having to follow you - or to more accurately describe the benefit, the opposite should be mentioned - someone can choose to follow your content and what you say, but the follow back is not necessarily a given (while in a Facebook "friendship", you have equal access to their profile as they do of yours [unless you set up some customized security stuff on the side]).  Why is this nice? Personally, I get a kick out of someone, anyone, giving two craps about what I think or say about a subject. Some might be following me just to see who I like in the weekly slate of NFL games - and hey, that's fine too, but maybe it's the narcissistic element of "hey, someone gives a damn what I think about something, and I've never met them face-to-face or even talked to about 90% of these people" that makes me pause and realize the power that this social media has.



This blog ended up being an amazing opportunity to reflect on the friendships that have affected my life and shaped me to be the person I am today. I would never say I've taken any of them for granted - if anything, this made me realize how lucky I am to have made the decisions I've made, interests that I've decided to be interested in, jobs I've taken, schools I've gone to.

For each and every single one of them has led me to this moment in my life. And while not every single piece is in place, I wouldn't trade any of these experiences for the world.