Brian Scalabrine: The White Mamba

Seriously, who the hell owns a Scalabrine jersey?

No truth to the rumor that he got the # 24 for the number of minutes he plans on playing this year.

Why did I waste $75 on a jersey from a guy who has played 18 games out of 65+ team games and averages about 3-4 minutes a game?

I've fallen hard for the White Mamba, as Stacey King has nicknamed him. Get to about the 20 second mark of the video to see it.

I've also heard his nickname from the guys on 670am, The Score, call him The Human Victory Cigar. This nickname implies that he comes in during garbage time and helps wrap up victories. Lately, that has been the case. In his last 8 appearances, the Bulls have won all 8. Out of the last 7 games, Scal has played a total of 11 minutes and 39 seconds. That's roughly a minute and a half per game appearance.

Is someone other than Scalabrine himself wearing his jersey? What has this world come to?
Even Scalabrine would wear a Rose jersey if it was legal in the NBA rules.

And to give you some perspective, Scal has only played 6 total games in the 2011 calendar year. For how good the Bulls have been lately and with games getting out of hand late occasionally, I'm surprised he hasn't been used more.

In case you were wondering, basketball-reference.com has assessed Scal's chances of making the Hall of Fame at 0.0000%. Sorry if that ruins anything for you. I think kids learn about his HOF chances before they learn about Santa, the Easter Bunny and other shameless corporate symbols.

In contrast, his black counterpart, the Black Mamba (Kobe Bryant) was one of two current players with 100.00% chance of making it (Shaq was the other).

I still wonder why I got the jersey, but then today I was reminded of why I bought it. Classmates and authority figures alike felt the power of the Scal jersey. I can't say I blame them. Look at how much sexier I look with it on:

Oozing machismo right here. His jersey sales are gonna go up 2000% after this blog reaches about 7 people.
Buy the man's jersey, people! You can't get any better looking without one.