Replacements: Ref, Dumb and Blind

If the replacement refs are as bad as the movie "The Replacements", we're in for a long season. I never saw the movie, but Keanu Reeves being in it told me everything I need to know.

Replacement referees - It's the topic that I haven't heard much buzz about from football fans who can't wait for their team's schedule to start in September. It's starting to get talked about a little bit, but soon enough, I expect to hear many a fan complain about the awful officiating, even more so than normal. Many of the football writers that I follow on Twitter have been talking about this topic for some time, but I feel like the general public has no idea what they are in for.

While I refuse to watch preseason football willingly for fear that I may contract a deadly virus (also might be tempted enough to bet it), I have read plenty of reaction on how bad some of these replacement referees have been so far.

Here are just some of the errors that have happened through one full preseason weekend:

(from SB Nation - a shot of where a ball was downed after a punt)

• This was called a touchback? I know referees can make mistakes from time to time. but this may take the cake: the ball (which came nowhere close to the end zone) is downed at the 4 yard line. Yet the referee in charge of making the call signaled for a touchback. With as blind as my grandma is, my guess is that even on her crappy TV, she would have cursed out the refs (assuming it happened against the Bears) and ironically made fun of his vision

• Holding for yourself. In the Giants' first game last week, their punt returner Jayron Hosley had a good day for himself, broke a few punts for decent yardage. Unfortunately, one of the returns got called back for a holding call. Yeah, it happens all the time. But normally (and by normally, I mean what the hell?) the holding call doesn't go against the returner himself. It'd make it a hell of a lot easier if a returner could hold for himself as he is weaving through special teams gunners. I know that sometimes they get the number wrong on the player who committed the penalty. I'm just not sure how, out of all the numbers, you'd select the returner - one of the penalties that is impossible for him to commit. A great quote from Victor Cruz concerning the refs (from NBCsports.com):

"I'm a little concerned because we want to get the best referees that we can. I actually overheard one of the refs saying he only refereed glorified high school games, which I don't even know what that means" 

• Can somebody spot me? In the Monday Night game featuring the Cowboys and the Raiders, Tony Romo actually helped a referee spot a ball.
  
• Arizona, Atlanta...same thing. Baltimore faced Atlanta in the Georgia Dome last week, or was it Arizona? Apparently, one of the replacement refs (Craig Ochoa) called Atlanta by one of its ornithological counterparts' city. Not sure how you get Arizona and Atlanta mixed up. Doesn't seem like the type of mistake a normal ref would make.
  

Some people think hiring a woman as a replacement ref was a ploy by NFL to distract from the topic at hand. A real statement would be hiring a woman as an actual referee when the ref lockout is over.

These are just some of the mistakes I came across when googling replacement referee mistakes. They may not seem like much, and I imagine some of these refs will get better as the preseason progresses. But does the NFL really want to take a chance with its integrity by letting a bunch of guys who haven't reffed any level of football beyond "glorified high school" games?

How often do you hear a player say about a ref, "I'm going to shake his hand and say, 'Thank you for coming back'"? That's exactly what Victor Cruz said he will say to the real refs when they come back.

Many of us like to complain about the referees and how bad they are. Sometimes the refs are bad, but overall, I think that very few of them have an agenda, especially against YOUR team (despite your lobbying otherwise). However, for as much as you thought you complained about the referees who have reffed in the NFL for decades, imagine how it will be when a referee group assembled of Division III refs, retired officials brought back to work, and high school refs are officiating the games when they count - these complaints will get louder and they will be more frequent.

This could be an ugly season if the replacement referees are here all year.

B List - A Reflection of "The Road Trip", 10 years later (List 13)

Some of the ticket stubs from "The Road Trip"

Ten years ago.

Three skinny dudes.

12 baseball stadiums.

Two countries.

$1200 hard earned dollars pushing carts and bagging old people's groceries spent.

Enough numbers and sentence fragments for ya? Hopefully it should be. My trip with two gentlemen - we'll call them "Kudla" and "Luzzo" - was no doubt one of those life stories that I'll always be able to tell. From the early moments of walking through Detroit at night back to our car parked miles away (thanks "Kudla") to "Luzzo" doing all he could to chase down the Philly Phanatic and everything else, they are memories that will never sour in my mind.

Sure, there's probably a few stories here and there that I forgot that the other two might remember. I have a tendency to remember the strangest things, like being able to recall what "Kudla"'s idle status used to be on AIM when hearing the Aerosmith lyric, "Get up and go. Must have got up and went.", while forgetting the things I should have always remembered.

I was going to compile a list of my favorite stadiums, but I didn't really take good mental notes on stadium looks, amenities, and all that other jazz that goes into making good judgments on that sort of list.

Instead, I'll compile a list of 7 moments that I can recall (without looking at my journal of the trip) that stick out as the moments of the trip.

Ticket stub that Kenny Lofton signed for me.

7. Kenny Lofton autograph - With each game we went to, our intention was to get there early enough to catch batting practice, take a quick tour of the stadium, and perhaps meet some players. The first day of the trip featured the White Sox in Detroit. I happened to see Kenny Lofton talking to a guy who works at the park - appeared to be a friend of his - as I was walking around. I'm not, nor really haven't been since I was about 7 of 8, a guy who is screaming for an autograph. But I figured, first day of the trip, getting a White Sox player to autograph my ticket would be a cool memento. Lofton agreed to that as long as I would take a picture of him and the guy he was talking to. Sounded like a fair trade to me.

The balls we caught in batting practice in Pittsburgh. Kudla had to buy his baseball.

6. No Shirt, We Got Problems - Before we went to the Pirates games and saw a once-in-a-career performance by journeyman Adam Hyzdu (we saw him get 7 of his 63 career RBI in one game), we walked around the city of Pittsburgh to see what the city had to offer (as we did at all of the other cities). The temperature probably climbed into the 90s, basing off of the evening game time temperature (according to baseball-reference of the July 20, 2002 game) of 87 degrees. This rise in temperature caused some of us (hint: his name rhymes with Muzzo) to take their shirts off, leaving the others not wanting to walk within twenty feet of this said individual. And keep in mind, this is when we were in somewhat normal shape. Now? Yikes, couldn't imagine us doing that. I believe he kept trying to get us to high-five him, but we didn't. Maybe I'm not remembering that last part right, but I'm fairly sure of the avoiding shirtless Muzzo part.

One of many mascots that Luzzo stalked met.

5. The 45-minute tour of Cooperstown - Out of our 12 days on the road, we had only one day off. This day off was no ordinary day off of course. We were on our way from Montreal, and after we crossed the northern border of New York, our plan was to spend many hours at baseball's ultimate museum in Cooperstown, the site of Baseball's Hall of Fame. The only problem was - we couldn't find the damn small state or rural route that took us there. I remember hearing from someone before the trip that the road was hard to find, but I didn't think three morons would have a problem finding it. How wrong I was. After hours of just looking for the road that took us there, we finally found it and got to the museum an hour before it closed. Fast-walking through Cooperstown was not what we had in mind, but it was our only choice. I'm thinking GPS would help if we were to make another trip there, but knowing us, we may be able to find a way to screw it up.

4. First Legal Beer - The third game of our trip brought us to my first out-of-country experience, unless you'd like to refer to Canada as America, Jr. or America's Hat. And as any 19-year old who just started drinking a few beers at college would know, Canada allows kids that age to enjoy a cold alcoholic beverage. I can always say that my first ever "legal" beer was a Molson at the Skydome in Toronto. I don't remember what it tasted like, but I'm pretty sure it tasted like crap. Showing my "Under 21" American ID to get a beer empowered me for once. We saw Chris Carpenter as a Blue Jay throw a gem against the Red Sox, but that's not what I remember the game for - it was my first beers. Our ride across the country to Montreal, I believe I was passed out in the back seat of the van (or as drunk people call it, time travelling), all screwed up from the 5 (yes, only 5) beers that I had that day. Which brings me to my next story....

The road trippers at what used to be a MLB stadium in Montreal

3. Hotel Le Rivage & Porn in the Morn - One of the things we did when booking our road trip was say that we were booking a room for two to save a couple bucks at each stay. When we arrived at the Montreal hotel we booked months earlier, I was the one who stayed in the car while Luzzo and Kudla checked us into our hotel. In this moment, I think I missed the moment of the trip. You see, this was before the days of using the Internet to Google hotels and see reviews of a hotel and everything about it. Turns out, we had booked a room at a sex hotel. When the boys came back to the car to get our belongings to bring back to the room, I saw a look on their faces that told me that I had missed something hilarious beyond belief. I'm thinking the person who confirmed our reservation looked at them two laughed and said, "You're kidding, right? You're the ugliest gay couple we've ever seen", except in French.

Sure enough, the room had mirrors through the room (on basically every wall, including the ceiling), although based on a quick Google search of ratings for the hotel, we apparently missed the chance to have a room with a stripper pole. Damn you, Hotel Le Rivage. Anywho, aside from all the mirrors that none of us (that I know of) took full advantage of, one of the best part of the room was the sticker on the TV that told us what channel the porn was on. And since it was in the morning that I noticed this, it inspired me to come up with the term "Porn in the Morn". It got a good laugh then, and I thought it may have to do with us being so young. Nope - it had to do with us being guys, because I still find it to be a great term.

Luckily, this was as close as we were to being mauled in Detroit.

2. Walking in Detroit - The first day of the trip had neared its end. We had seen the White Sox beat down the Tigers and were thinking about our next stop in Cleveland, hoping the trip would continue down this path of awesomeness. Instead of taking the path back to our car the same way we did before (on the safe and reliable Monorail), we decided to walk back to our car, which I believe was over a mile away. Aside from being known as a safe city to walk in at night (my fingers love typing that sarcastic garbage), Detroit offers no reason for three skinny white boys to make an unnecessary adventure back to their car. I rank this number 2, because besides surviving a shitty situation, we didn't have a worry-free walk back. Almost a few blocks away from the park, we have somebody start following us and talking to us, asking us for money. He kept following us despite our insistence that we had no money on us. A police siren in the distance had our follower state, "Oh shit, was that the po-lice?" That comforted us the way a diet brownie comforts Roseanne. As we kept walking, the guy darted off to the other side of the street to say what's up to someone we knew, and we breathed a sigh of relief. We forgot we had a rest of the trip to worry about during this moment. Cleveland was next - another busy day awaited. Once we lived that day out, we had my #1 experience of the trip. The type of moment that you'd see in just about any cliched Hollywood movie about road trips.

One of the last times we smiled together between Cleveland & Buffalo

1. ...in a Van down by the Wal-Mart (or was it a K-Mart?) - The second night drive of our trip was from Cleveland to Buffalo, NY. We had to leave the extra-inning Indians/Yankees game early in order to make sure our car did not get locked in the garage we parked it in. This was one of my longest drives of the trip (I left the driving mostly to Kudla and Luzzo since I preferred to be a spectator). As we approach Buffalo in the wee hours of the morning, we get to our hotel, only to find out that we were too late to check into the hotel (despite having a room booked). On edge at this point, we have no idea where we're going to sleep. It's about 3 or 4am local time, and Luzzo is annoying the living piss out of me. He's telling me how to drive, where to turn - to be honest, I forgot everything that annoyed me about what he said or what he actually said. I just remember being pissed off beyond belief. We decide that we're gonna sleep in the van for the night. We found the Wal-Mart parking lot and called it our hotel for the night (pretty sure his directions to this Wal-Mart are what got me pissed off). I don't recall how many hours (if any) I slept that night. All I know is, we spent a night of our wonderful road trip in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Unfortunately, the picture that was taken of me giving the portable camera the finger went missing somewhere along the trip. We did our cleaning for the next day's travels in the Wal-Mart bathroom. To be honest, as I write this, I forgot if it was a Wal-Mart or a K-Mart. I guess it doesn't matter. I remember this part of the trip not for the name of the store whose parking lot we bunked at, but for the great moment that it produced.

As with almost any and all road trips, it's the unscripted, unplanned moments that always end up topping our memory banks once the trip is done. And this trip was no exception.

I'm glad we did this road trip, because not only was it a once-in-a-lifetime experience that we all knew at the time was once-in-a-lifetime (whether we admitted it or not was another story). The best part of the trip was that it created a lifetime bond for three guys, who at the time had barely known each other for more than a year or two.

Olympic Gold Standard: If You're Not First, You Might As Well Be Last

Is it possible to say an athlete in the Olympics did well without winning the gold? Is it possible for an Olympian to feel accomplished if he finished behind three other sprinters?

I know he's a douche - look at that grill, but I still think Lochte (and others) get too harsh of treatment when they don't win gold medals. Part of it is their fault, but part of it is our unreasonable expectations as fans.

So much is made (by media and athletes alike) about winning the gold that we start to think that anyone who fails in this pursuit is a failure.

The group of American athletes that comes to mind includes Ryan Lochte (swimmer), Lolo Jones (sprinter) and Tyson Gay (sprinter), although the latter probably had a rough idea that he, along with the rest of the competitors, were competing for second before the race began. That's what the presence of Usain Bolt will do.

What could prompt people, especially those of us who can't walk to the fridge 10 meters away without being out of breath, to say that folks who finish out of the gold position are somehow disappointments? Here's a few reasons I could come up with:

Pre-Olympics Marketing

Critique him for his douche look, not his 2nd/3rd place finishes.

Before the Olympics began, who were some of the most talked-about athletes on the American side? Who was featured on magazine covers, advertisements and appeared on talk-shows in hopes of giving themselves more visibility to the public and future potential sponsors?

Before the 2012 Olympics, I bet most of us had failed to hear who Lochte and Jones were. There's a chance you may have heard of Lochte, who set a world record in the backstroke in Beijing 2008 and also participated in three medal-winning relay teams at that Games. There's a good chance the only guy you remember from the 2008 team is Phelps, and understandably so. That's what being the best at your sport will do.

She's compared to Kournikova, but Lolo has shown her talents more.

Lolo also competed in 2008, finishing 7th in the 100m hurdles. Her name has risen quite a bit since then, posing semi-nude on an ESPN magazine cover, and on the heels of Tebowmania, recently stated in an interview that she is the 30 year old virgin.

Both Lolo and Lochte marketed themselves well before the Olympics. This made them more recognizable and fresh in mind to American viewers, which at the same time raised their expectations. It also made them more vulnerable to criticism should they not live up to the high expectations that media (and even the athletes themselves) have put on them. Out of the reasons for the backlash when there's no gold, I find this marketing to be the biggest problem. When the athletes talk the talk before they walk the walk (bad cliche alert) and then their walk doesn't match the talk, then the bloodhounds among us come out and say these athletes choked.

I can't blame these athletes for marketing themselves as much as they do, especially in sports that are only mainstream for 2 out of every 208 weeks. It's their time to maximize their wealth, and success in the events they are competing in are not guaranteed by any means (See: Dan vs. Dave commercials in 1992). It's amazing that Michael Phelps was able to stay in the marketing spotlight long after Athens, thanks to his endorsement with Subway. Although it did help that he won all those gold medals in 2008 - I doubt Subway commits to a long-term campaign to a guy who doesn't win any golds, especially with swimming out of season anytime outside of the Olympics. If you don't win at the Olympics, your overall marketing wealth goes down, so the pre-Olympic marketing makes perfect sense.

We Expect To Be The Best

Whether it comes to a 100m backstroke in the pool or a competitive hot-dog eating contest, We America expect and demand victory. I'm sure other countries (such as China) have similar expectations with just about every event that they enter, but for the purposes of this blog, I'll stick with the Amurrrrican view point.

Ok, we get it. You're a giant douche.

When we see one of our own fail to win gold, we look at it as a failure. Ryan Lochte may have won five medals in the six events he participated in, but only won two golds, neither of which occurred in an individual event. Perhaps he set the bar high for himself with previous performance, perhaps it had something to do with the way he was marketed beforehand, thus raising his expectations. Most folks would be thrilled to have won 5 medals of any color, but I've read a lot of stories saying his Olympics was a disappointment.

On the other end, Lolo Jones improved on her showing in the last Games but still finished one out of the medal, losing to teammates Dawn Harper (silver) and Kellie Wells (bronze) in the process. Harper and Wells seemed to take an unusual pride in besting Jones despite neither of them winning gold in the event.. They have basically admitted that they were jealous of all the attention that Jones has received. I've even heard of a Lolo comparison to Anna Kournikova - all looks, no talent.

She finished fourth IN THE WORLD in the 100m women's hurdles. That's not a lack of talent. It's actually immense talent that happened to be facing a few others whose talents shined a little more on this particular day at this particular race. Since she didn't win gold, people actually thinks she was a over-hyped marketing campaign. After all, they don't put fourth place people on Wheaties boxes.

Disappointed, but being the 4th best in the world at something ain't that bad.

It's this expectation to win that prevents both the athlete and the fan from getting to enjoy an excellent athlete at his or her craft against the world's best. Have you seen some of these athletes after they actually do accomplish their goal of winning gold? Sure, there's the occasional Gabby Douglas, who hasn't been able to stop smiling since winning the gold in the individual gymnastics competition. Overall though, not enough people seem to enjoy winning the gold - like it's an expected, God-given occurrence.

Underrate Others' Athletes, Overrate Our Own

Going along with expecting our athletes to be the best, in many cases, many America supporters actually do believe that our athletes are the best. While the number of medals we win at each Olympics lends some support to this belief, there are many times where we underestimate our opponent, or at the very least, we (the fan) ignore him or her.

In these sports where our top-ranked athletes like Lochte are expected to win, there's almost always one or two athletes from other counties that have a chance at the gold. When Lochte didn't win the gold in any of his individual events, we were quick to say he choked (or pulled a LeBron circa 2011). I say, we just under-estimate our opponents too often. I'd say some of this under-estimation is the slant of news that we get - heavy dose of American athletes, with very few non-Americans getting the spotlight on the Olympic coverage on NBC and its affiliates.

It's understandable that NBC would do this - as with everything in life, we like to root for our own: our own country, our own team, our own family, etc. Coverage that balanced American athletes with international athletes would not be as well-received and would lose NBC some ratings. We'd rather see an average (by Olympic standards) American athlete compete than the international equivalent or even just slightly better.

How often do you watch the Olympics where they will show the anthem of America when they win the gold? Now how often do you see them play the Canadian or Chinese national anthem? Would we even recognize their national anthems?

Maybe you like holding USA to a higher standard when it comes to the Olympics, and I'm fine with that. Just don't think it's gonna be easy, and don't think we're going to win every event we compete in. And when we lose, we should try showing a little class to these athletes and respect their skill and effort as well as the skill and effort of our opponents.

B List: We Need Fat Guys in the Olympics (List 12)

We're a week into the 2012 Summer Olympics, and I've enjoyed some of the action that's gone on so far. One of my favorite parts of the Games is watching how certain athletes react to getting silver and bronze medals - the less excited they are, the more likely they had astronomical expectations placed on them to win gold. I honestly think you should be able to appreciate any medal that you get, but then again, I'm not the one dedicating my life to these sports in hopes of winning a gold medal.

On a lighter, more comical note, I wonder if I'm the only one watching the Olympics and wondering what it would be like to watch fat guys do some of these events. Could you imagine a guy like Chris Farley doing parallel bars or trying to run the 100 meter dash?

Here's my list (a day late) of the Olympic sports I'd like to see fat guys compete in, a Fat Olympics if you will:

Disclaimer: I consider myself a fat guy, so it's okay for me to make fun of my own. In many of these sports below, I picture myself in these sports and just laugh.

7. Table Tennis - With the small size of the table, ball and paddle, you can't tell me that wouldn't be fun to watch. I keep thinking of the scene in Forrest Gump when he goes to China to play and how fast the game played. A game that plays fast with small equipment, how could you not be entertained by this? I am all for watching chubby folks battle it out on the table.



6. Canoe/Kayak Slalom - I'd like this event if only to say the line "Fat Guy, Little Boat". I hope Tommy Boy fans can appreciate that one. If you've never seen canoe/kayak slalom, it's basically trying to canoe through rapids, except it's a controlled environment. They have so many designated stations to maneuver in and out of, with penalties assessed if you don't go through the stations the right way. The skinny folks who compete in the events look like they could have a tough time squeezing into the kayak. I may be just as amused trying to watch someone like myself getting into the kayak as I would be watching myself desperately trying not to tip over into the rapids throughout the course, which takes Olympic folks about 100 seconds to complete but could take us big boned people a little longer.

5. Synchronized Diving - Imagine the years and years of training that two people have to do together to coordinate their Olympic-style dives. Same body type, using the same form as they jump at the same time from dozens of feet above the water. Now imagine that these two people are heavier - fat people that have to coordinate their body types and make the same exact dives in hopes of winning the Olympic gold. As you can see based on the picture on the right, it's hard enough trying to coordinate the same look as you ride motorcycles together (although it does help to be twins).  Imagine the diving version of this - two fat guys in swimming suits, doing the same twists, turns and flips as they descend in the Olympic-size pool that has no idea the hurting it is in for.

Imagine an Olympic sport with THIS GUY as an "athlete"

4. Beach Volleyball - Many of us have been to the beach where we see people who are just a little too proud of their body types. I am all for self-confidence in your body no matter its appearance, but beaches were not made for equal clothing rights. That's why beach volleyball would be a great sport to watch fat guys compete in. Think of the fattest guy you've ever seen without his shirt on. Now imagine him competing in the Olympics, attempting to use their two-inch vertical jump to spike a ball through the hands of an opponent who is hypnotized by the lava lamp movement of the spiker's "6 pack". That would be pure gold, and yes, that was a terrible Olympic pun.

3. Pole Vault - A pole that is meant to bend: meet a fat guy who bends just about every piece of silverware he uses. In the Olympics, the world record for the pole vault is over 6 meters (which is roughly 18 feet). Imagine a fat guy taking a running approach with this fiberglass pole and trying to launch himself over a pole that high. It's hard enough just imagining a fat guy running. More so than an actual track and field race, I'd prefer to see fat guys do the pole vault out of all track and field events. To see the stress that the pole would be under during this process would be worth the price of admission. To see the pole break would be even more amazing.


2. Trampoline - I wonder how many of you even knew that trampoline was a sport in the Olympics. If I need to go in depth on why this is funny, then I don't have the friends that I thought I had. Much like the pole in the pole vault, I would be intrigued at how well the Olympic-sized trampoline would hold fat guys trying to do acrobatics. If it's anything resembling this guy trying to dunk a basketball on a trampoline, then I may have to launch this to the top of the list of potential Fat Guy Olympic events.

1. Gymnastics - This sport would have all of the elements that we'd love to see together when it comes to fat guys and Olympic events - Tight clothes, balance beams and uneven bars, all trying to survive the stress of the fat guys who will be wearing them, trying to stand on without breaking, and attempting to swing back and forth between.


I apologize to anyone who can't find the humor in this list. But it's a proven fact - fat equals funny. And I believe the Fat Olympics would be a great concept that would warm the hearts of Americans, whose clogged arteries from the decades of Big Mac and Whopper consumption could one day dream of competing in the many events that the Fat Olympics would have to offer. Plus, you know the medal winners would smell the medals in the slightest hope that they were made out of chocolate.

A Francisco Treat: Why White Sox Fans Should be Somewhat Optimistic about Our Newest Hurler

Can he revive his career, even briefly, as others below did?

Leery? Ah, no....well, maybe.

While enjoying some beverages on the roof last night, I was told that Francisco Liriano was traded to the White Sox. The person who brought me the news was stoked that we picked up the left-hander from the Twins. I was hoping that I misheard him and we traded for the 2006 version of Liriano, who went 12-3 w/ 144 strikeouts and 32 walks in just 121 innings while posting a 2.13 ERA. Since then, he has been up and down and for the most part, quite average. The past year and a half has been brutal for Liriano: 5.18 ERA, 130 walks allowed in 234+ innings, 12-20 record. You can easily see why I might be skeptical of this trade.

Granted, I happened to attend a game last year in which Liriano threw a no-hitter, as I noted in my blog here: click here fools. However, even that wasn't a pretty affair for the southpaw, as shown by his 6 walks and only 2 strikeouts. In fact, before this no-no, there was question as to whether Liriano was going to stay in the rotation.

However, after a night's sleep, I started to see the silver lining in the trade, but it has little to do with Liriano himself. What suddenly turned me from a skeptic into a big fan of the trade? Why, it would be the pitching coach - Don Cooper.

Don Cooper has a gift in briefly reviving the careers of mediocre and under-performing pitchers - I emphasize briefly because the guys below have shown to have one season of moderate-to-All-Star level brilliance, only to regress a year or two later. Here's a few guys who have joined the White Sox as underachievers and turned their careers around (at least for a season):

(Note: I'm not mentioning some guys who had extended runs of success before the White Sox - i.e. David Wells. One guy on this list may not qualify based on this criteria, but f it, it's my blog and I'll be hypocritical if I want to.)

Poster boy of what pitching under Cooper can do for a pitcher

Esteban Loaiza - Before joining the White Sox in 2003, this journeyman pitcher had stints with three different teams. He had never posted an ERA below 4.13 and reached double digit wins just three times in his first 8 seasons, with a career high of 11. For one magical season with the White Sox, Loaiza went 21-9, notching a league-high 207 strike outs and a 3.7 K/BB ratio, all good enough to finish runner-up in the Cy Young vote.

However, his good fortune turned out to be a one-hit wonder. After posting a 4.86 ERA in 21 starts for the Sox in 2004, he was swapped at the trading deadline to the Yankees for the White Sox next reclamation project - Jose Contreras. Including the Yankees, he played on four teams in his last five seasons before rejoining the Sox for a brief stint in 2008. He was never able to come close to that Cy Young-worthy season. His career with the Sox (30-14, 3.65 ERA) versus his stints with seven other teams (96-100, 4.86 ERA) shows that we definitely got the best of him, and Don Cooper should be credited for that.

Sox fans were all smiles when Contreras had his great run in 2005-06

Jose Contreras - Much like Loaiza, the rebuilding of Contreras into an All-Star pitcher was short-lived, but  he pitched at his best when the White Sox needed him most. His best stretch came with the Sox in 2005 & 2006, where he went 28-16 combined with a 3.93 ERA. Between the end of 2005 and start of 2006, Contreras won 17 straight decisions. His performance down the stretch in 2005 helped the Pale Hose stave off the Cleveland Indians, who nearly stole the division from the White Sox after being over a dozen games back with two months to go.

His career eventually leveled out after this brief run of success. In his last six seasons, Contreras has split time with the White Sox, Rockies and Phillies, finding a new role as a reliever in the past three years in Philadelphia. His 30-40 record, 4.88 ERA and horrendous 1.44 WHIP during that time is a complete 180 from those two years. Again, I'd have to credit Cooper for this brief run of success.

Javier Vazquez - His tenure with Chicago was a turbulent one, but Vazquez did pitch one of his best seasons as a member of the White Sox, notching 213 strikeouts in 216+ innings, with nice ratios in K/BB (4.26) and WHIP (1.14) in 2007, his second season with the team. His 15 wins were by far the most on the team, who had one of their worst seasons in the past decade, limping to a 72-90 record. I believe we may have regarded this season as a better one had the rest of the team played as well as him.

Despite not being received well in Chicago, Vazquez had one great year w/ the White Sox

Unlike the others on this list, Vazquez was able to have another great season after his run with the South Siders was over, finishing 4th in the Cy Young voting in 2009 after posting 238 Ks in 219 IPs with Atlanta, with career best ratios in K/BB (5.41) and WHIP (1.03). Granted, he was the most established starter before going to Coop's pitching staff, so his addition to this list may not be appropriate. Still, he was able to post a great season with the team, so some credit should go to Cooper.

Floyd's best season came in 2008, his second w/ the Sox

Gavin Floyd - After three forgettable years with the Phillies, Floyd came to the White Sox with tempered expectations. His 108+ innings pitched in those three years with Philadelphia were packaged with an eye-popping 84 ERs allowed (6.96 ERA). His first year with the Sox wasn't much better, but in year two (2008), something clicked for Floyd. His career year-to-date featured a 17-8 record, 3.84 ERA, 1.26 WHIP came out of nowhere when compared to the 8-10, 6.30, 1.61 career numbers before the season started.

He's been roughly a .500 pitcher since then, never breaking the 4.00 ERA barrier in the past 3.5 seasons on the South Side. Many Sox fans wouldn't mind trying to trade him now. Luckily, his one good season in 2008 helped the White Sox make it to the playoffs for the first time since the World Series season.

Humber needs to channel some of his pitching skills from this day. He has been a wreck since the perfect game.

Philip Humber - Mr. Perfect has been far from it since his perfect game in April, but Humber was able to revive his career in 2011. After having issues staying in the majors and bouncing around three teams in five years, Humber had some decent numbers, maintaining a 2.83 K/BB ratio along w/ a 1.18 WHIP in 163 innings last year, good enough to get him a spot in the rotation for the 2012 season. However, his season has taken a turn for the worst since his perfecto on April 21 - his OPS against since then is a god-awful .890, which makes his 7.01 ERA in that 13 game span make all the more sense.

Some others...Edwin Jackson had a 30 game stint between 2010 and 2011 with Chicago, but didn't do anything overly impressive (11-9, 3.66 ERA, 1.34 WHIP)...Todd Ritchie was the worst pitcher Kenny Williams has ever acquired. Cooper had no chance to polish that turd. All of us Sox fans have done our best to forget about him.

So if I had to guess based on our history of acquiring under-performing, mediocre pitchers, I wouldn't be surprised to see Liriano have a better finish to this season than his start (couldn't get much worse) and have a great season next year (maybe set a career high in innings, wins and ERA) and then tail off sometime in 2014.

Perhaps instead of being overly pessimistic or optimistic, I should instead have cautious optimism and hope that this trend is shown to be true.

B List - Worst Jobs to Post on Your LinkedIn Profile (List 11)

As many of you know, LinkedIn is quite the popular site for people looking to network. People's resumes become visible in a way never seen before. While using the site this week for work purposes, I thought to myself, "What would be the worst jobs to say you worked in hopes of advancing to a bigger and better job?"

Here's seven jobs that people may want to consider deleting from their profiles should they have had the un-fortune of working in that role.

7. Storyboard editor for Saved by the Bell - Have you ever seen the story arcs on this show? If you have, you'd be the first person to discover them. Just off the top of my head, here are some of the most ridiculous ones (which is saying a lot):

• Jessie's brother from New York comes to visit, is originally despised by the crew, including his love interest Lisa. Then basically says, "You know what, I like it here. I think I'll stay." He never appears on another episode.
• Similar situation with Screech's only reciprocated love interest - Violet. The one girl he could possibly score with at Bayside, and they have her on for about one or two episodes? No wonder why Dustin Diamond hates everyone he worked with there.
• A clips episode that shows Zack reflecting on all the great times he had at Malibu Sands over the summer. Of course, Slater is the one (of all Bayside students) to go get Zack to come back to school, only to relax and reminisce about the summer as well. Unless I am completely naive to how the school system works, I'm just guessing that a principal would just let one of his students just leave the school to go retrieve someone who he knows is skipping class. Everyone knows the Ferris Bueller way is how it's done.
• And Tori - yeah. Shows up out of nowhere to replace Kelly and Jesse, whose disappearance is not explained whatsoever. That's not even the most believable part. Do you really think that Zack would go for a biker chick? 

These are only a few of the ridiculous story arcs. I won't even go into the College Years, the standout moment being when Slater learns that he is Chicano from a girl who he never met before, then gets mad at Zack later in the episode for being ignorant of his Chicano culture.

If you have this on your resume, you may want to take it off.

Not sure where this fits into the blog, but this is perhaps one of the best graphs ever made.

6. Musician for Saved by the Bell - Just because the tune and lyrics are easy to get into your head doesn't mean it's a good song. If you need any proof of that, look at just about every #1 Summer song of the past 100 years. I don't know much about music and how to create it, yet I could say that I know more than whoever designed any piece of music associated with this show.

5. Extra on Saved by the Bell (especially the nerd characters) - I always felt sorry for the extras who had to sit in the background of every bullshit scene involving Zack trying to exploit them and his fellow classmates in some way. The nerds had it the worst. They were the stereotypical glasses-wearing, pocket-protector, never-getting laid nerds who got picked on. I still don't know how Screech would fit into that social circle - no way in real life does a social circle, especially in high school, contain a nerd as nerdy as Screech hanging out with jocks and popular kids. I digress.

As I stated, these extras were forced to go to every single social function that Zack and the gang would go to, from the movie theater to the Max and everything in between. I can't say I've ever seen any of those background actors doing anything since then - perhaps The Bell  was a career killer in itself before there was ever a LinkedIn.

One of many uses for Bayside's only classroom

4. Prop designer for Saved by the Bell - Anyone ever find it funny that the classroom that the kids learn in, with normal school desks, is the same classroom that is used for the woodshop class. By golly, it's also where the kids take their drivers ed classes and get to drive a golf cart in order to get their licenses. And the school hallways? Not just for lockers - it's also used for Army-style obstacle courses, locker-type garage sales to help Lisa pay off debt, and also for many Zack Morris "get rich quick" schemes, among many non-traditional school hallway activities.

Couldn't they have built different rooms for these activities to make it just slightly more believable? Perhaps the budget was tight. Yeah, I'm sure that's it.

3. Video Editor for Saved by the Bell - I shouldn't put this so high, especially since they didn't have much to work with in terms of credible story lines and great acting. But you know the editor has to get some flack. After all, he was the one who rendered all the videos, making sure they can be edited in a "made for TV" format. If he or she wanted, a video of better produced shows, like any Bob Saget America's Funniest Home Videos could have been edited into the story line. Sadly, I don't think any Saved by the Bell story lines would have been ruined with random videos of people getting kicked in the nuts or falling off of a boat into a lake. In fact, I think they could have made the stories make more sense.

None of these actors stood a chance of getting future jobs.

2. Actor not named Mario Lopez or Mark-Paul Gosselaar from....you guessed it, Saved by the Bell - Quick: Name three shows or movies that featured any of the Saved by the Bell cast outside of the SBTB shows and movies. I'll even spot you Showgirls  for Elizabeth Berkley and Beverly Hills 90210 featuring Tiffani Amber Thiessen. Give up? Yeah - they've been that bad (or perhaps that typecast). Chances are, if your name is not any of the gentlemen mentioned above, you're probably cleaning gutters or picking up trash for a living at this point (I apologize to all my gutter cleaning and garbageman/women friends of mine for comparing you to SBTB characters). Maybe it has something to do with the childhood actor syndrome of not being able to live a normal life once you've peaked at a young age. Or perhaps it has something to do with them just completely sucking as actors and being lucky to coast on the SBTB wave as long as they did.

Yikes - looks like someone got ran over by a truck. And then by another truck

BTW, have you seen pictures of Lisa (aka Lark Voorhies) recently? I don't think Screech would have been pursuing her if he would have known she was going to look like this. Geesh.

At least he has cool facial hair.

1. Dustin Diamond - Speaking of Screech, he is his own category of "Worst Jobs" for the purposes of this list. Out of all the stereotypes that were exploited on the show, none was worse than the character of Screech, the typical high school nerd that lacks social skills, has no chance with the ladies, especially the only one who he is courting, and who was constantly picked on by his friends, yet still considered them his friends because....uhm, they'd talk to him? I can't think of what he brought to the table as far as being a friend goes or why those others considered Screech a friend.

Can you think of any actor that was typecast or could be typecast as bad as Dustin Diamond was? He had little-to-no shot of ever succeeding after SBTB series were done. He even knew this himself, as he was the only cast member to stay with the series beyond the college series, becoming Mr. Belding's sidekick in the new classes of the show.

His post SBTB resume includes a porn he released creatively called Screeched (if anyone has seen this, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me how bad it was) and also as an author of the book Behind the Bell, in which Diamond reveals all of the sex and drugs that went on behind the scenes of the show. I'm positive everything he said in the book is true, because when he wrote the book, he definitely wasn't hurting for money or looking for attention. Oh wait, nevermind.

Anywho, if your LinkedIn profile features "Dustin Diamond" for some reason as a job, you may want to consider removing it from your profile. Lord knows you won't be getting a job anytime soon anyways.

I guarantee you that if you follow this list, you will get a job and not be employed for long*

*No such guarantees can be made. I cannot be held liable for your shitty resume, interviewing skills, bad breath and excessive sweating while interviewing.

The Ultimate Bolek NFL Preview - 2012 Edition

Mugshot of Marshawn Lynch after his DUI arrest

Has your favorite NFL player been convicted of a crime this offseason? If he hasn't, then he's not trying as hard as he should.

With 27 NFL players being cuffed for some type of offense in the past five months, there's a chance that you're a fan of one of these players. In the past couple weeks alone, Adrian Peterson, Dez Bryant, and Marshawn Lynch, among like 900 others, had some sort of DUI or altercation that seems to be an epidemic as the season approaches.

Aside from that, there were the usual free agent moves. Peyton joining the Mile High Club by heading to the Broncos. Like Kevin Kolb of last year, Matt Flynn cashed in on a couple good starts and signs with an NFC West team desperate for a quarterback. And despite winning the Super Bowl, the Giants are somehow not the talk of New York, as some team who shares a stadium with them traded for a polarizing fullback quarterback that will surely add some drama to an already contentious locker room.

The questions you want to know will be answered below. For my Bears fans, what should you expect from this season? Will my Niners regress this year after a sterling 2011 season that saw them win their first division in almost a decade?

An amazing fact found in this article shows that history is against the Niners (and the Lions & Texans) when it comes to teams who rebounded from sub-.500 records one year to double digit wins the next. Out of the 29 teams who have done this in the past decade, 26 of them regressed to 9 or less wins in year 3. In fact, the average team in this situation loses 4 more games in year 3 than they did in year 2.

I've included my predictions along with what offshore sportsbook 5Dimes is projecting from each team.

Aside from the fact above about regression, if you're betting on totals in the NFL, it's a very profitable angle to bet on the Over for teams projected for less than 6 wins. Keep that in mind if you think that betting on Cleveland, Indianapolis & Jacksonville unders are a layup of a bet.

NFL Predictions

AFC East

Mr GQ will have no problem winning the AFC East

NE (Over/Under 12 wins) - prediction: over (13)
NYJ (Over/Under  8.5) - prediction: under (6)
Buff (Over/Under 7.5) - prediction: over (10)
Mia (Over/Under 7.5) - prediction: under (6)

(Predicted finish: NE 13-3, Buff 10-6, NYJ 6-10, Mia 6-10)


Thoughts: On average, there's about 2 or 3 teams every year that go from losing records to double digit wins. In my projection, I have Buffalo being one of those teams. They made a commitment on the defensive end, shoring up their passing rush by signing defensive ends Mario Williams and Mark Anderson and focused on defense in the first round of the draft. I still don't think they'll be a match for New England, who should continue to be the darlings of the AFC East. I expect the Jets to finish below .500 - I just don't see how having a plan to use two quarterbacks consistently is not going to be a locker room distraction.


AFC North


Pitt (Over/Under 10) - prediction: over (11)
Balt (Over/Under 10) - prediction: under (9)
Cin (Over/Under 8) - prediction: under (7)
Cle (Over/Under 5.5) - prediction: over (6)


(Predicted finish: Pitt 11-5, Balt 9-7, Cin 7-9, Cle 6-10)


Thoughts: If Polamalu & Big Ben stay healthy, I expect the Steelers to win back the AFC North from Baltimore, who lost Defensive Player of the Year Terrell Suggs to a torn Achilles (currently rehabbing it, but likely to miss significant time at the very least). Baltimore should still be a playoff caliber team, but a dip in wins wouldn't surprise me. I expect Cincinnati to have a slight regression in Year 2 of the Andy Dalton era. I think Cleveland will be more competitive than normal, although for them, that still means only about 6 wins.


AFC South


Hou (Over/Under 10) - prediction: over (11)
Ten (Over/Under 7) - prediction: push (7)
Jax (Over/Under 5.5) - prediction: under (3)
Ind (Over/Under 5.5) - prediction: over (6)


(Predicted finish: Hou 11-5, Ten 7-9, Indy 6-10, Jax 3-13)


Thoughts: Outside of the AFC East, this looks like the easiest division to project. Jacksonville & Indianapolis are clearly in rebuilding mode, with the Titans sandwiched in-between them and the Texans, who will likely win their second straight division title after not making the playoffs in their first nine years of existence. They won the division with relative ease last year, and that was without Matt Schaub down the stretch. I expect the Texans to take the next step and be a Super Bowl contender this year.


AFC West


SD (Over/Under 9) - prediction: under (7)
Den (Over/Under 8.5) - prediction: under (7)
KC (Over/Under 8) - prediction: over (10)
Oak (Over/Under 7) - prediction: over (8)


(Predicted finish: KC 10-6, Oak 8-8, SD 7-9, Den 7-9)

Gonna be weird seeing Peyton in orange (and out of the playoffs)

Thoughts: This division has been one of the hardest for me to read and project, but I think the Chiefs will get back to the top of the division. They lost so many folks in the very beginning of 2011 to various ligament tears that they never really had a chance - they somehow rebounded to come close to winning the very weak AFC West. The defensive minded coach (Romeo Crennel) will make a better impression in his second time around as head coach. I don't trust the Chargers to suddenly start doing great under Norv Turner, whose naked pictures of the GM and owners of the team (presumably anyways) allow him to keep coaching the team. I don't think the Broncos have enough talent around Peyton, who himself is coming off a year layoff and his third neck surgery and is nearing NFL extinction. I'll probably come back to eat these words when Peyton throws for 40 TDs.




AFC Playoffs (1-6 seeds): NE, Hou, Pitt, KC, Buff, Balt




NFC East


Phil (Over/Under 10) - prediction: over (12)
NYG (Over/Under 9.5) - prediction: under (7)
Dal (Over/Under 8.5) - prediction: over (9)
Wash (Over/Under 6.5) - prediction: over (7)


(Predicted Finish: Phil 12-4, Dal 9-7, NYG 7-9, Wash 7-9)


Thoughts: I'm drinking the Eagles Kool-Aid for the second year in a row. Unlike last year though, I feel like I'll be right this time around. I don't doubt their chances to win the division as long as Vick can stay healthy, which has always been a question for him in his career. I think the Giants will take a big step back (note how I didn't go with the pun of GIANT step back). Dallas will be on the fringe of the playoffs again, and Tony Romo will be to blame (as always). RGIII will bring some life to a Redskins franchise that hasn't been a perennial contender for the playoffs since the late 80s/early 90s.


NFC North


GB (Over/Under 12) - prediction: under (11)
Det (Over/Under 9.5) - prediction: under (9)
Chi (Over/Under 9.5) - prediction: over (11)
Min (Over/Under 6) - prediction: under (4)

If I have anything to say, these two will be all smiles come January

(Predicted Finish: Chicago 11-5 (wins tiebreaker), Green Bay 11-5, Det 9-7, Min 4-12)


Thoughts: My Bears friends are probably going to blame me if they fail to live up to higher than normal expectations, but I believe they got better pieces than last year and should benefit from better health w/ Cutler and Forte (who with his new contract, hopefully will not suffer from Chris Johnsonitis), which is what cost them a chance at the playoffs down the stretch last year. Their defense is never something that needs questioning, as that has been Lovie's forte (pun somewhat intended). Green Bay's offense hid some of the flaws that their defense showed last year. The offense should still be its juggernaut self, but I believe that with the rest of the division (save Minnesota) is catching up with them, it will be difficult for them to get over 12 wins.


NFC South

Expect to see this shirt (or a version of it) worn all year in NO

New Orleans (Over/Under 10) - prediction: over (11)
Atlanta (Over/Under 9) - prediction: under (7)
Carolina (Over/Under 7.5) - prediction: over (9)
Tampa (Over/Under 6) - prediction: push (6)


(Predicted Finish: New Orleans 11-5, Carolina 9-7, Atlanta 7-9, Tampa 6-10)


Thoughts: At first, I was on the bandwagon that New Orleans would be distracted this season by the bounty stuff and miss out on the playoffs. However, the more I thought about it and realized that New Orleans' home field is going to be even more crazy with their "us against the world" mentality that they have with their coach being suspended for the year, the more I thought to myself - I could easily see them go 7-1 or even 8-0 again at home, especially with the way Brees slings it. I expect Carolina to take a big step forward and Atlanta take a step back, which will result in Mike Smith being fired at the end of the year.


NFC West

San Fran (Over/Under 10) - prediction: under (9)
Arizona (Over/Under 7) - prediction: over (8)
Seattle (Over/Under 7) - prediction: under (5)
St. Louis (Over/Under 6) - prediction: under (4)


(Predicted Finish: San Fran 9-7, Arizona 8-8, Seattle 5-11, St. Louis 4-12)

I hope I'm wrong, but I don't see Randy Moss making a big impact for the Niners

Thoughts: San Francisco benefited from an improbable +28 turnover ratio and great health last year (only 8 total games missed by defensive starters). The turnover rate will go down, but it's possible that the lack of defensive injuries will not. I found that the Niners' string of "luck" in the health dept is no fluke - between 2008-2010, the starters only missed 16 total games on defense: source. Even though with their signings on offense are pointing towards an improvement in production, I expect a regression for Alex Smith (17 TDs, 5 picks last year) which will negate some of the signings. Arizona finished the season out strong with John Skelton behind center, winning 7 of their last 9 games. I wouldn't be surprised if the Week 17 showdown between the Niners and the Cardinals is for the division title.

NFC Playoffs (1-6 Seeds): Phil, NO, Chi, SF, GB, Det




AFC Wild Card: Pitt over Balt, KC over Buff
NFC Wild Card: Chi over Det, GB over SF
AFC Divisionals: Hou over Pitt, NE over KC
NFC Divisionals:  Phil over GB, NO over Chi


AFC Championship: Hou over NE
NFC Championship: Phil over NO


Super Bowl: Phil over Hou


League MVP: Mike Vick (Phil)
Offensive Player of the Year: Drew Brees (NO)
Defensive Player of the Year: Julius Peppers (Chi)
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Andrew Luck (Indy)
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Morris Claiborne (Dallas)

Thoughts: Out of these 12 playoff teams, I guarantee I miss on 6 of them, maybe more. I went with the rule of thumb that there's usually about 4 new division winners from the previous year (I got Pittsburgh, Kansas City, Chicago & Philly fitting that bill). After my blog earlier last month about teams with value, I think New Orleans may have tremendous value on winning the Super Bowl, especially since the Big Game is in their home stadium. Imagine the noise that the AFC squad would have to deal with. I may make a futures bet on the Saints before the season starts, because it will get lower if they make a strong push as they did last year). If I could take that blog back, I'd have them as my best value team.

I'm expecting Vick to lead the Eagles to a Super Bowl title this year

Why the Eagles winning it all? I think I'm falling prey to how they closed and their overall level of talent at the skill positions. Maclin had medical issues that prevented him from being effective like he was in 2010. This prediction will probably flame out badly. Vick has problems staying healthy, but if he does, I think he will live up to his dumb comments (at least for one year) about the Eagles being a possible dynasty.

Why the Texans over Patriots in the AFC Championship? Lately it seems that the Patriots fall a step short and have one lackluster playoff game that does them in. I'm projecting that from them in this game, as the Texans will pull off an upset and make it to the Super Bowl.

Strange as it sounds, I still may opt to bet for the Saints to win it all instead of the Eagles.

Odds are, there will be a few teams that catch everyone off-guard. I only picked 4 new teams to make the playoffs compared to last year - usually it changes by 6-7 teams. So if I didn't pick your team to make it there, you have some hope.

Enjoy your NFL seasons, and I'm sure I'll be back throughout the year to critique or praise my predictions.