Chapter 13 Fit Happens: Closing the Door on The Flab Four

I can remember January 1st like it was yesterday.

Jen and I had just gotten home from a wedding evening in Lasalle/Peru. I put on my "workout clothes" (I put this in quotes because in order for clothes to be classified as workout clothes, you need to, you know, work out) and walked to the elevator to begin my first workout while Jen relaxed after we had a long fun night the night before.

There was only one other person in the gym, which had three treadmills, a stepper and about 10-12 different weight machines for the various muscle groups. Most importantly, there was a television, which allowed me to watch the bowl games that were on (most of which I had some kind of bet on). The only thing that got me through the pathetic struggle of my first workout was the fact that all of my bets hit that day (several while I was in the gym for that 40 minutes or so).

At that time, I weighed in at over 235 pounds. 235.6 pounds to be exact. The first workout, along with about the first 2-3 weeks worth of workouts, showed me just how much I had gotten out of shape compared to my recent fitness focus from November 2008 through July 2010, where I was able to shed my weight from 220 to a low of 175 thanks to a rigorous workout routine - 5 times a week in the gym, with many one hour runs on the treadmill that spanned 6-7 miles.

My initial thoughts on January 1st brought me down to earth and realized that I had to get my ass back in shape. Sadly, 4 mph on the treadmill was tough at first, but after a month or so, I was able to run back at my normal 6 mph pace. As you've seen through the blogs before this, the pounds shed as the workouts became more intense.

Fast forward to now, and I am much better off for my Fit Happens experience, as are the others. While we all had our slight regression towards the end, we've all developed better habits (exercise and diet) that can carry over in the future months.

The Final Standings

User	lbs	%
Dave	-22.2 lbs	-7.69 %
Hippo	-19.5 lbs	-7.9 %
LionEsquire	-28.2 lbs	-11.56 %
B-Bo Knows Weight Loss	-32.6 lbs	-13.84 %

The good news for all, aside from the good amount of weight we all lost, was that no one will have to face any punishment.

And also good news for me is that as a result of winning the contest as well as three of the five recorded months (no monthly winner for June), I was able to score $220 profit from the others. Which is funny, because a part of me was motivated by the money at the beginning.

But as I stood on that treadmill January 1st, I knew it was much more than about money at that point. It was about making a lifestyle change while I could before long-term health damage could take place.

Sure, I still have my share of bad diet habits that will likely never go away. However, as long as I am physically able, I will make sure to continue my workouts/runs to ensure that getting fat has disappeared into thin air.

Nike Fit App

Since I have yet to join a gym, I have been relying on my runs to keep in shape. I have found the Nike Fit App to be a great tracker of all of my runs. And the nice thing now is that I have a few friends who are on the app, possibly because of me.

I admit there were a few times I ran this month when I saw my closest competitor in miles creeping up on me. In all, I ran a total of 24.17 miles on the app for June. A great total, which I only hope will improve on a monthly basis.

Next month, our first month away from the contest, I am aiming to get 35 miles of running. This would likely require me to run about 20 times. With my cost-cutting efforts likely keeping me away from the gym for the time being, I will be focusing on running even more to keep myself in shape.

Also, seeing my friends adding to their running stats will get me going for sure.

The Next Steps

So what becomes of the Fit Happens crew?

If I have anything to say about it, we will still keep in touch about our goings-on. Some of us are using Chris' wedding date in October as a platform for our next set of weight loss goals. At that time, I hope to be about 190-195, and the other gents have set similar reasonable goals to reach by that time.

In the coming days, I will have some exit interviews from the Flab Four, including what experiences we gained from the contest as well as our next steps in improving our health.

Thanks for reading once again

B List: We Need Fat Guys in the Olympics (List 12)

We're a week into the 2012 Summer Olympics, and I've enjoyed some of the action that's gone on so far. One of my favorite parts of the Games is watching how certain athletes react to getting silver and bronze medals - the less excited they are, the more likely they had astronomical expectations placed on them to win gold. I honestly think you should be able to appreciate any medal that you get, but then again, I'm not the one dedicating my life to these sports in hopes of winning a gold medal.

On a lighter, more comical note, I wonder if I'm the only one watching the Olympics and wondering what it would be like to watch fat guys do some of these events. Could you imagine a guy like Chris Farley doing parallel bars or trying to run the 100 meter dash?

Here's my list (a day late) of the Olympic sports I'd like to see fat guys compete in, a Fat Olympics if you will:

Disclaimer: I consider myself a fat guy, so it's okay for me to make fun of my own. In many of these sports below, I picture myself in these sports and just laugh.

7. Table Tennis - With the small size of the table, ball and paddle, you can't tell me that wouldn't be fun to watch. I keep thinking of the scene in Forrest Gump when he goes to China to play and how fast the game played. A game that plays fast with small equipment, how could you not be entertained by this? I am all for watching chubby folks battle it out on the table.



6. Canoe/Kayak Slalom - I'd like this event if only to say the line "Fat Guy, Little Boat". I hope Tommy Boy fans can appreciate that one. If you've never seen canoe/kayak slalom, it's basically trying to canoe through rapids, except it's a controlled environment. They have so many designated stations to maneuver in and out of, with penalties assessed if you don't go through the stations the right way. The skinny folks who compete in the events look like they could have a tough time squeezing into the kayak. I may be just as amused trying to watch someone like myself getting into the kayak as I would be watching myself desperately trying not to tip over into the rapids throughout the course, which takes Olympic folks about 100 seconds to complete but could take us big boned people a little longer.

5. Synchronized Diving - Imagine the years and years of training that two people have to do together to coordinate their Olympic-style dives. Same body type, using the same form as they jump at the same time from dozens of feet above the water. Now imagine that these two people are heavier - fat people that have to coordinate their body types and make the same exact dives in hopes of winning the Olympic gold. As you can see based on the picture on the right, it's hard enough trying to coordinate the same look as you ride motorcycles together (although it does help to be twins).  Imagine the diving version of this - two fat guys in swimming suits, doing the same twists, turns and flips as they descend in the Olympic-size pool that has no idea the hurting it is in for.

Imagine an Olympic sport with THIS GUY as an "athlete"

4. Beach Volleyball - Many of us have been to the beach where we see people who are just a little too proud of their body types. I am all for self-confidence in your body no matter its appearance, but beaches were not made for equal clothing rights. That's why beach volleyball would be a great sport to watch fat guys compete in. Think of the fattest guy you've ever seen without his shirt on. Now imagine him competing in the Olympics, attempting to use their two-inch vertical jump to spike a ball through the hands of an opponent who is hypnotized by the lava lamp movement of the spiker's "6 pack". That would be pure gold, and yes, that was a terrible Olympic pun.

3. Pole Vault - A pole that is meant to bend: meet a fat guy who bends just about every piece of silverware he uses. In the Olympics, the world record for the pole vault is over 6 meters (which is roughly 18 feet). Imagine a fat guy taking a running approach with this fiberglass pole and trying to launch himself over a pole that high. It's hard enough just imagining a fat guy running. More so than an actual track and field race, I'd prefer to see fat guys do the pole vault out of all track and field events. To see the stress that the pole would be under during this process would be worth the price of admission. To see the pole break would be even more amazing.


2. Trampoline - I wonder how many of you even knew that trampoline was a sport in the Olympics. If I need to go in depth on why this is funny, then I don't have the friends that I thought I had. Much like the pole in the pole vault, I would be intrigued at how well the Olympic-sized trampoline would hold fat guys trying to do acrobatics. If it's anything resembling this guy trying to dunk a basketball on a trampoline, then I may have to launch this to the top of the list of potential Fat Guy Olympic events.

1. Gymnastics - This sport would have all of the elements that we'd love to see together when it comes to fat guys and Olympic events - Tight clothes, balance beams and uneven bars, all trying to survive the stress of the fat guys who will be wearing them, trying to stand on without breaking, and attempting to swing back and forth between.


I apologize to anyone who can't find the humor in this list. But it's a proven fact - fat equals funny. And I believe the Fat Olympics would be a great concept that would warm the hearts of Americans, whose clogged arteries from the decades of Big Mac and Whopper consumption could one day dream of competing in the many events that the Fat Olympics would have to offer. Plus, you know the medal winners would smell the medals in the slightest hope that they were made out of chocolate.

B-List - Things I've Learned While Packing (List 2)

Welcome to the second edition of B-list. Last week's first list featured my top 7 favorite White Sox players of all time.

This week's list is on another timely topic. As many of you know, I'm about to move to the city with the girlfriend. I'm still in the process of packing stuff that has been collecting in my room for the past decade and a half.

The packing process has brought back some memories. In no particular order, seven random thoughts...

7. I've collected waaaaaaaay too many things. You need four or five copies of The Daily Illini from 9-12-2001 that reflect the tragedy that our nation suffered the day before? This guy had them. What about some random bent-up baseball cards from the early 90s of guys who are probably changing oil on your car? That doesn't include the stuff I still collect, like hats and beer glasses, which are all coming to the new place (as the Lady smiles).

6. Me and my friends used to be skinny. I was looking at some old pictures of y'all. Sorry to say, ladies and gentlemen, but Father & Mother time hasn't been friendly to our mid-sections. Do I blame alcohol? No. Laziness? No, not that. Decreased Metabolism? Nope. Terrible dieting habits? Uhmm....nope, not that either. Screw it, I'll just blame global warming. Increased earth temperatures caused us to balloon up 20-50 pounds. Not alcohol.

5. One Hit Wonders. I'm sure every generation of kids has a handful of albums they've bought for that one hit, only to realize that the other 11 songs are complete shit. There's a reason many of these groups did not make it beyond that one hit. Anyone looking for that Dishwalla reunion tour opening for the New Radicalz (with a 'z' cuz they're edgy and cool) might be waiting a while. Yes - I have a Dishwalla CD from the 90s, and no - I have no idea why I didn't throw that into the fireplace at some point over the years. At least I wasn't dumb enough to put them on my I-tunes playlist; otherwise, based on my new year's resolution of listening to every single song on the I-Pod, I might have to (gulp) listen to....Dishwalla. If you don't know who they are, go on YouTube and search "Counting Blue Cars" (I apologize for putting you through that 4 minutes). But please, whatever you do, don't tell me all your thoughts on God.

4. Dusty Rubbers...I'll leave that one to the imagination.

3. So much stuff, so little space. If you've ever been at the house, you'd know that my room is one of the smallest in the house. Before I moved down here in the mid 90s, the room was home to all of me, my brother and sister's toys. When shoving a bed and a dresser for clothes into the room, there's not a whole lot of square footage to navigate in the room. For this much stuff to be in the room is quite amazing. And yet, I'm still not done in there. That's more due to procrastination.

2. The Devaluation of Memories. Packing up all the trophies I received from the bowling, basketball and baseball leagues over the years, I have much different thoughts about some of those experiences now than when I experienced them back in the day. The biggest trophy in my collection was an indirect subject of my blog from yesterday - since I don't actually remember playing a single game during that baseball tournament. These participation trophies are a lot cooler when you're younger than now, when they're just reminders of your lack of playing time. It also reminds me of the three-point contest that I never got a chance to compete in during middle school since my coach gave me the wrong time for the start of the competition, and funny enough, his kid replaced me in the contest. That team participation medal that I got that day went immediately into the trash can. Fuck that guy.

Ok, I'm done venting. Seriously though, if you're ever a coach of a sports team for kids, don't be as big of a dick as that guy was.

1. I'm really gonna miss this place. That's what living in one place for 26 years (including the years at college, when this place was still technically my home) will do to a guy. Sure, don't get me wrong - I cannot wait to start my new life in a new place with a great gal. I can't wait for the new memories that are awaiting me in the future, but being the reflective guy I am, I can't help about the great times I've had at this place, save for Item 4. The toilet toss, Monday Night Raw sessions, pick-up basketball games, poker games. To leave this place behind is gonna be tough. But I'm ready to move on.

Time to create a new home in a new area. I can't wait.

Fuck that guy. Sorry, still stewing about the end of Item 2.