4/01/2011

April Fooled: An MLB Opening Day Edition

Selig to allow Pirates, Royals to start season with 30 wins

New York-- In a move that surprised no one, MLB Commissioner Bud Selig stated in a press release that the Pittsburgh Pirates and Kansas City Royals will start the season with a 30 game advantage on their opponents. Selig cited the move as "a necessary one for competitive balance" that stems from the fact that no one can even remember when these two teams last made the playoffs. Selig's message continues:
"The fan bases of these teams need a reason to follow their team throughout the season. Now August and September will hold some meaning to these franchises aside from the annual September call-ups of minor-league studs who will become future stars on the Yankees and Red Sox."
In his company's database of over 17,000 MLB players throughout history dating back to 1871, baseball-reference.com founder Sean Forman said he cannot recall the last time the Royals or Pirates were any good. He applauds Selig for taking the initiative to give the perennial losers a fighting chance.

"With this 30 game advantage, I fully expect the game of baseball to be given the opportunity to send below-average teams to the playoffs, as basketball and hockey have been able to do throughout the years," Forman said. "I think history will look at this as a wise move by the commissioner that will rank right up there with the blind eye to steroids and making a useless All-Star game carry homefield advantage in the World Series for the winner."

Washington Nationals owner Ted Lurner filed a protest to be among the teams to receive 30 wins, but Selig cited its previous history as a Canadian franchise in Montreal as a nullifer to the win stimulus.