~What else should I be? All apologies - K. Cobain, circa 1993.
In a recent interview, Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison spoke his mind on a few subjects, blasting everyone from the commissioner to his teammates, including calling Rashard Mendenhall "a fumble machine". As is the case with most apologizes, Harrison apologized for his words but said some of the content was pulled out of context.
While this may be true, I find it hard to believe apologies that come with an attachment to them. Here's some signs of a bad apology:
(1) "I'm sorry if this offended anyone."- Any version of this is usually a fake apology. What it essentially means is, "If this didn't offend anyone, I'm not sorry, so suck it!" If you're making an apology, odds are you offended someone. So stop pretending that the word "if" applies when it clearly doesn't.
(2) An apology that one reads ver batum off of a piece of paper - It's true that some people may just not be good public speakers and need to write their words down before going in front of people. But at least look up every now and then and show some eye contact. Obviously, this apology applies more to celebrities who do something stupid and then the media and public look for some sort of remorse for their words or actions. The more someone reads off of the piece of paper, the less remorseful they are.
(3) No eye contact - I touched base on this with the second point, but this is more of a general thing and not just celebrity-based. Someone that you have wronged/offended/whatevered needs to see that you are telling your apology in an honest and straight-forward manner. If you're looking down while making an apology or watching TV, you're clearly half assing it.
(4) "I'm sorry. I was misquoted/taken out of context/etc." - This goes back to point 1, where you add a "but" or an "if" immediately after your apology. For all the years I've been a consumer of media, I know that yes, there are times where you can be taken out of context and may not have meant what you said or what people perceived you said. There will be some people who believe apologies when they take the time to read a whole story themselves or hear out a complete story before making a judgement. If people do misunderstand your statement/actions and take offense, you may have been misquoted or they may have taken something you said out of context, but telling people that may be harder than just simply saying it. I'd say in circumstances like this, if you really believe you didn't do anything wrong, don't apologize. Sensible people will know that you didn't mean any harm with whatever you said or did.
If you're really interested in offering a genuine apology, just say it directly and simply: "I'm sorry for what I did/said." The rest of what you say afterwards (unless you're telling them how much of a dumbass you are) is usually a bunch of BS and doesn't help your case when you're apologizing.
For the inspiration for the title of the blog, here's where you can stuff your sorries in a sack, around the 36 second mark and 2:20 mark.
