1.7 million hours

Over 80 years.

If I counted the days right (including leap years), my Grandma Raynor lived exactly 29,237 days. Over 1.7 million hours on this Earth.

Over 31 years.

If I counted those days right, that would be 11,041. That was how many days our lives crossed paths.

Not every one of those days was a day we saw each other, but her influence on my life has been felt in every single one of those days.

I can remember her being a part of my first baseball experience. I don't remember who else went. It was a Cubs game - I want to say about 1987 or 1988 - and I believe my favorite player at the time (Andre Dawson) hit a home run in that game. I remember having a great time and getting to experience it with my grandma.

From there, she was around for just about every major life event. First Communion, all my birthdays, graduations (I believe junior high, high school and college). Would have attended a Bar Mitzvah too if I was Jewish.

And that's the key - she was there.

As a kid, you don't realize how much you value the idea of someone being there for your little league games, your events that aren't really memorable later in life except for the fact that you can remember the people who went to see you.

And that sense of humor...

If there is someone who had a better sense of humor than my grandma did, especially for someone her age, I'd like to meet him or her. I've never met someone who was so easily able to make fun of herself, laugh at herself, as my grandma. Including myself, there have been three or four people who have had a Halloween costume based off of her, and she loved every minute of it.

Her laugh was infectious. You could make fun of her just as easily as she could make fun of you - and you knew it was out of love. In fact, it was something Jen just told me on the car ride back from the hospital as one of her first memories of my grandma and how she knew that I was a keeper - she could tell how much I loved my grandma based on her observations of our interactions that particular day.

I remember her knack for spending waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much on Christmas gifts (Sorry, I mean 'Santa'). Even at a young age, I knew we were getting spoiled way too much, yet she spent on her grand kids non-stop. We loved her for it, but I think most of us knew we had it too good. That's how grandma was.

It's weird to think that she's lived on her own without Grandpa for almost 17 years. The great thing in that time, however, is how much closer us grandkids (and probably even her own kids) were able to get to grandma.

So many great stories to tell from the nights my cousins and I spent the night over there, not enough censors to block everything out.

Marilyn Raynor was an amazing woman, and I am honored that I was able to share the last moments of her life amongst our family. She was at complete peace when death came calling. That is the dream.

She was a strong woman, much stronger than I gave her credit for. She was never a woman who gave up, even in death. She beat death, but death just needed to set up a best of 3 - which of course she won easily.

I'll always remember my last exchange with her on a cold Sunday afternoon in March, saying and signing "I love you", with her signing it back. If there's a lesson to be learned from all of this, as you say goodbye to someone for a day or the night, try to make that last interaction a positive one. I will always remember this exchange fondly.

Thank you to all who have shown your concern and your love. I love you right back and wish you nothing but the best.

Am I Dying?

"Am I dying?"

These were words uttered by my grandma, my last remaining grandparent, to one of my aunts earlier today as she lay in her ICU bed.

Mortality is something we will all face, so when I heard my aunt retell this story, all I could think of saying is:

"Well, we all are dying right now."

Obviously not dying in the same way or at the same time. But all of us has an expiration date. Will it be tomorrow? Will it be 60 years from now? Who knows honestly.

Some of us are guided through this process by religion; some by other doctrines or life philosophies that guide us in our journey.

It's been a rough past couple weeks, as I learned that grandma was heading to the hospital with what seemed like a laundry list of things wrong with her. I knew it was a little more serious this time around than previous times, as her two siblings (one from the Atlanta area, another from downstate Illinois) came to visit to see how she was doing the previous weekend.

My mom was great in providing updates on her health, even though there's been very little good to report. Many of her vital organs seem to be failing her in some way. I don't care to get into all of it, but it seems like all of the problems she's had in the past are meeting together in a convergence that is making things difficult physically for her and emotionally for her daughters and the family.

Jen and I went to go visit her early Sunday afternoon. After putting on our scrubs and gloves, I went in and saw Grandma with a tube down her throat, unable to talk but can still communicate through some laser-type device hooked up to her right pointing finger. She spelled our names when we got there into my mom's hand as she read the letters she was "writing". It was really difficult to fight back tears. One of my aunts was doing as such, as I am guessing they have all been doing as they have been battling a lot of mental stress in deciding the best steps to proceed in this situation (none of which seem to offer much promise or are absent of severe complications). All I could do for her in that situation was give her a hug, as I think I will be doing a lot of in the next few weeks or so as this situation develops.

I was ecstatic that she is still mentally sharp, since she knew who we were still. She was able to hear everything we said and communicate her thoughts into my mom's hand. It was also very cathartic to sit next to her bedside and hold and rub her arm. It also made me really happy that Jen did the same thing. Not that she's got to worry about being part of the family, but it feels great that she can share in these moments when family is needed the most.

We spent about 30 minutes or so in the room and another 20-30 minutes in the waiting room before leaving the hospital. Before leaving her room, Jen and I said and signed "I love you" and grandma did the same.

It is tough and nearly impossible to deal with the failing health of a loved one that at one point in your life thought was invincible - I looked at all of my grandparents like that. My grandpas died months apart in my early teens, but I have been blessed to experience both of my grandmas (my dad's mom passing in 2011) into my adulthood.

I have also been blessed and extremely grateful for getting a chance to live within 5 miles of both of them - Grandma Bolek lived around the block while Grandma Raynor lived about a 10 minute car ride away.  Not too many kids have that luxury, and believe me, it's not something I've ever taken for granted.

I don't know what comes after today. All we can do is hope for the best. We already have a terrific network of family and friends who will support grandma and each other through these rough times.

Thanks for reading this far. Some point soon, I will share more thoughts about Grandma. It had been a while since I have written my thoughts into this blog, but with everything going on here, feel it to be helpful to share.

Love you all.

Rest in Peace: The Passing of Two Grandmas & Appreciating My Own More

The past few Wednesdays, I've had something to write about my workout/diet of the most recent week. While I'd like to get to that, there's something that's occurred in the past couple days in my group of friends.

On Monday, I learned of one friend's grandmother passing away - a friend who I've known for the past 13 years and whose family has embraced me as one of their own over that time. As many of us do these days, I caught wind of this news on Facebook, with a family picture of them with their grandma/mother acting as an obituary of sorts. I didn't get a chance to meet this grandma too much, but she had to be a good lady to spawn the family that I know today.

About 48 hours later, I received a text from another friend of mine to let me know his grandma had passed away. Like the friend before, it's a friend I've known for almost half my life now. I've met the grandma - very sweet lady, great person (much like the family that came after her).

My heart goes out to my friends during this time of loss for their families. Fresh in mind, I can relate to their losses. As many of you know, I lost my Grandma Bolek almost 10 months ago. I lived around the block from her from 1986 until her passing last year, so it was hard saying goodbye to a lady who represented what it meant to be a Bolek.

I'm sure my friends can remember a time like me when they were kids and they went over to grandma's place only to get spoiled to death. In my case, my memories of Grandma include playing Store with her and finding the Easter Eggs in the backyard full of change - you always hoped to get the eggs with the quarters in them.

I also remember the delicious chocolate chip cookies my grandma made. No one could ever pass those babies up. I've never seen anyone make cookies since that resemble them. God do I miss them.

These passings have made me remember all the good things about Grandma Bolek, but more importantly, they make me appreciate the grandma that I still can see and talk to. As much as I love my Grandma Bolek, I love my Grandma Raynor just as much. She has always been a great grandmother to me and all of my cousins. I enjoy hearing her laugh when a joke is told - sometimes at her expense. That's just how she rolls. She has the ability to laugh at herself sometimes.

To those of you reading this that still have grandparents alive, make sure you appreciate their existence. You wouldn't be around if it wasn't for them. I'm fortunate that I've had grandparents live into my adulthood so I can appreciate them. I wish my grandpas lived long enough for that, but what can you do? Just appreciate the times you have with your grandparents.

Rest in peace to my friend's grandmas. I wish you and your families nothing but the best in dealing with these tragedies.

Even though you don't know how to operate the Internet and wouldn't be able to read this unless it was on QVC, I'd like to say that I love you Grandma! Make sure you express similar sentiments to your own.

Remembering Grandma Bolek: Three Months Later

Hard to believe that 3 months have passed since Grandma Bolek passed away. On one hand it feels much longer ago than that given how much has changed in my life since then. It also feels like it just happened yesterday on another hand.

After mourning her loss, we soon had Mother's Day a few weekends later. It was a clear reminder immediately after her passing that her presence will be missed. It also was a reminder (hopefully) to all of us that knew her to appreciate our mothers a little bit more based on the example that she set.

Seeing the for-sale sign by her house just doesn't feel right. The fact I live around the block from the house makes me choke up every now and then when I see the sign.

I remember all the great times me and my siblings had as kids going over there, from playing Store to the Clothespin in the Bottle game. There was never a dull moment over there. Easter eggs hidden, my cousin Bobby dressing as Santa for his younger cousins (me in that group), the smoke-filled poker games using the table that me and my friends use whenever we do play poker. The list of things I remember is longer than that, but you get the picture. It was an awesome time over there.

I'm happy to say that I don't think I took having a grandma living around the block for granted. In my older years, I loved taking Buddy for a walk to her house- something I actually did the afternoon of the funeral as Lauren walked Pixie. It was sad seeing Grandma's best friend Emmy (her dog) all alone in the house that she kept my Grandma company in for almost 10 years. The night of the wake, I went over to my grandmas around 1am and sat on her bench just absorbing everything that I could from the backyard that I spent my childhood in.

Since Mother's Day, two times have come up this summer where I was expecting to get a call from Grandma. The first time was when I was alone at home when my folks went on vacation. She was always good to check up on me to see how me and the dogs were doing when I was to myself. The other time was during this heat wave that just passed. I was waiting for her to call to remind all of us to stay inside and stay cool if possible. She was always good for sharing motherly advice with our family, no matter how silly and obvious the advice was- like putting a winter coat on in 5 degree weather. It was always nice to know that she was thinking of us.

I know this is all disorganized here, but I just wanted to convey what it's been like since my grandma left. In my wallet, I still carry the card I got from her wake. I like to look at it to remind me of everything that she represented. It makes me smile to look at it.

When I open my wallet, this is something I often see.

In the meantime, I will cherish the time that I have left with my other grandma. I hope Grandma Raynor lives another few decades and gets to see her grand kids have grandchildren like my Grandma Bolek did.

I hope she is resting in peace as we speak.

Half in the Bag - 2011's first 6 months from my experiences

My first seconds of 2011 were spent doing what many people were doing - at a party with some friends, enjoying some adult beverages and good food. Ordinary as it may seem, it set the tone for a year for me that has seen its good and bad; its happy and sad; no Mothers Day gift to Mom nor Fathers Day gift to dad (yet); people that we now have in our lives and people that we had. The things that stand out the most, chronologically~

Saaaaaakeeeeeeee!

Jan 2nd - Another successful birthday at Stoney Point betting on the ponies and hanging out with the best friends a guy could ask for. I'll remember the sake bombs that we took that day at the Japanese restaurant and the lady mocking my last place finish (of 4) in the sake bomb drink-off- "You a loser, ha ha ha."

Mid Jan - 2nd round of NFL playoffs and meeting up with Nick and Chris, a couple of old high school friends. We've hung out a handful of times since, often sharing old Mathlete stories and debating just how awesome Brian Scalabrine is. I'm glad that the old Nerd crew reconnected. We need to hang out again soon, gents.

To the delight of Bears fans everywhere, this was the sight to be seen on the first Sunday in February

Super Bowl Sunday - Hosted at Tim and Brie's place, they organized another good party for the game between the Steelers and the Packers. Yours truly and Tim profitted from the Super Bowl, but ultimately ended up losing the money back into the sports book later on in the week. Still, it is always nice to get a group together and enjoy each other's company.

Mid-late February - I was a few months away from graduating from my school and was still wondering what I wanted to do with my degree. After starting the second session of learning TV, it was then when I realized that video editing is what I wanted to do. This led me to be lead editor in our group's music video project as well as the splicing of several clips to produce YouTube videos. While I did take the internship with the school back in November, it was around Feb when I realized the direction I wanted to go in. (Editor's note: I still haven't put my degree to use yet, but plan on going in the video editing field). We graduated in April and for the most part have lost touch, but I'll never forget the great times we had as a class, both in and out of the classroom.

Rest in peace, Grandma Bolek. We will always remember you.

March thru April - The start of March was about the time where it was the beginning of the end for my Grandma Bolek, who was rushed to the hospital by my Dad and I believe my Aunt Donna. I remember getting back home from picking something up from my boss and answering a phone call from my sobbing father, who I can never recall ever seeing or hearing crying in my life. I visited her the next day when a hospice bed was placed in her home, but then never saw her alive again. She passed April 27, 2011 at the age of 90. She was, is, and will always be missed, but at the same time, always remembered.

HA HA! BUCKETS!

March Madness Opening Weekend - I always love this weekend, so much so that I've requested off of work for the opening Thursday and Friday of the tournament for the past 4 years. Unlike last year, no particular life-altering stories came out of 2011's tourney opening weekend. Bets were made (and mainly lost), beverages were consumed and laughs were shared. It lived up to its hype again as one of my favorite weekends in sports.

Jeff & Amber's engagement (Mother's Day weekend)- What do you get a mother whose son (cough, me) didn't give her a Mother's Day gift? How about a future daughter-in-law? Jeff and Amber stole the show this weekend when Amber showed off her ring towards the end of the Mother's Day brunch, which brought my Mom and others to tears. The date and location have been set for next year, and I could not be happier for my brother and future sister-in-law. Thank you for helping my mom forget that I didn't get her a Mother's Day gift (yet).

Congratulations to my happily married friends!

The Spencer Wedding - May 21 (The End of Days) - Spencer's bachelor party was on the Saturday of the tournament weekend and closed with us going to a burlesque show. That set the tone for a most untraditional wedding setting for a husband and wife (Jeremy and Kate) who have made a tradition of being untraditional. A small wedding at a park district may not be what most people want to do with their wedding, but they showed what really matters with a wedding is the people who are involved in the relationship surrounding themselves with their closest friends and family. It was only fitting that the after party was at a bowling alley, with us goofing off like we had done so many times before a decade earlier. I also had a blast writing a speech for this wedding and feel like I reflected well on the tone of the untraditional that had been set. I couldn't be happier for them.

Memorial Day weekend - While it may seem too soon to say this was the most significant weekend of the year, I highly doubt people could argue with me if I said it was. The weekend started with myself and Elias travelling to Wisconsin to meet up with a bunch of our friends. The lodge/resort was nice, but the initial night of the trip proved to be what made the trip. Many of my friends who I had never really seen drink before were looser than ever after a few drinks. Many were hung over the following day, but Mimosas were what I started the day with - it is vacation after all. The Saturday night of the trip was a lot more chill, but was necessary for the health of most of Friday night's participants.
    Elias and I left on Sunday, a day before the rest of the people left. I wanted to come home to take care of the dogs, who were at my Grandma Raynor's for a night. I didn't want her to be bothered by them for long though, so I left early and brought the dogs home to get back into their element. I had known about a Memorial Day party before I left the Wisconsin trip that some of my new friends were hosting at their rented place in Alsip, so I figured while I was taking care of the dogs, I'd also attend this party later on. It started at 4pm on the Sunday, but I came later to avoid being trapped into an early drinking demise (that later proved to be true for many of the participants of the 4pm start of the party). It was here that I briefly met Moe, who was my bags partner for the one game I played against Craig and Pete. While we didn't win, an innocent pairing of two people for a bags game eventually led to what is now a promising relationship with an awesome girl.

Bobby McGees - Before the month of June, I had been to this bar exactly once in my life. In June alone, I was there every Tuesday and an additional few days. I have met some awesome new people in the past month through the new relationship. As I've told Moe's friends, the type of people you surround yourself with is a good indicator of what kind of person you are. That is definitely the case here. I'm glad I've gotten to meet the people I've met so far and look forward to meeting others as the months

Vegas -  You already can see the blog about Vegas from mid June - feel free to consult this blog on how it went. It was a traditional Vegas trip full of ups and downs at the sports book, a trip that always leaves you wanting more of the Sin City.

The start of my Arlington success

Arlington/BBBBQ weekend - The weekend which started my parent's trip to Michigan (a trip where they never saw the sun for a week) also started a vacation of my own. Brie had her birthday at the horsetrack, and about 10-12 people came out for it over the course of the day. In addition to enjoying two pina coladas, I also basked in the riches of picking 5 of 10 winners throughout the day, including a 13/1 named Brain Teazer. The following day, I had my traditional BBBBQ, which was enjoyed by many. The weather was good enough to enjoy the pool as well. Also, it was the day many of my friends got to meet the lady for the first time. The party seemed to strike up many friendships, as the next day I saw nothing on Facebook but (A friend of mine) is now friends with (another friend of mine) and 6 (other friends of mine).

I may be missing a few things, and I apologize if I did. These events reflect the type of year that I have had so far. I look forward to seeing how the rest of the year develops. I hope all of you get to enjoy it with me in some capacity.

Blind Fate

It's funny how life works out...

One minute, you're saying good-bye to a family member (rest in peace Grandma). Next minute (more specifically, a week later), you're saying hello to a new one (Hello Amber and Zipsie family!)

It's a reminder that every now and then, it's as if the Even Steven theory exists. Not to say a death is equivalent to bringing someone new into the family. Just that when something is lost, you may find a version of it somewhere else.

Or maybe it's just coincidence how the timing of the two works. It's probably just life at work. I really don't know what it is, but I do think life plays out in a tragically funny way sometimes.

For every loss that you experience in whatever sense of life (whether it be the passing of someone or just losing a job or the like), there is a potential gain right around the corner. We can't let loss blind us from this fact. I learned last year that some of the mistakes I made were meant to happen because they led me into a new life (new job, school, new friends, etc.) that I currently enjoy.


I guess saying all of this makes me sound like a fortune cookie or a motivational speaker, but screw it.


If you find yourself down - keep your head up and your eyes open. You never know what awaits next.

Derb(y) Your Enthusiasm: Reflecting on a Moment with Grandma

While the memories of Grandma are still fresh in everyone's mind, one in particular sticks out.

Almost a year ago today, the running of the 2010 Kentucky Derby was hours from starting. I was heading to the gym for a workout and decided I would go to a local off-track betting to place my horse bets for the day. I threw $10 each on a couple of double digit horses (10/1 odds or worse) and then decided to throw $20 on Calvin Borel's horse- Super Saver. After I made my decision on a horse, I remembered that Grandma had no chance of going up to an OTB herself, so I gave her a call to see who she liked. Grandma liked Super Saver as well and wanted me to throw $2 on him to win. I told her not to worry about the cost of the ticket- my treat.

The bets were placed, and by race time, Super Saver was at 8/1. The race started, and the horse wasn't immediately in front - but that's how Borel prefers it. That's actually how I like my horses to be too. Being too far ahead at the start of the race usually signals a slow down at the end of the race. Give me a good closer anytime over a strong starter (at least in racing). I digress.

Super Saver rode the rail to a victory, which caused me to erupt in a euphoric cheer. But my greatest moment came from the moments after the race, when my grandma called and wanted to share her happiness over her $16 profit with the win. Her call pushed me to cash the ticket earlier than I had planned. After collecting the $180 (money put in + profits reaped from horse), I gave my dad the $18 that she was owed for her pick.

The next race, we disagreed on who we liked - my grandma stuck with Borel's horse while I went in the direction of Lookin' at Lucky. Surprisingly, my pick bested grandma's.

But the one moment last May, hearing enthusiasm in my soon-to-be-90 year old grandma's voice was a moment I'll never forget.

Bets for this year


Betting to win: Dialed In ($50 at around 3/1 odds),  Archarcharch ($10 at around 10/1 odds - splitting it $5/5 with a friend, whose Dad's name is the same as the jockeys, Mucho Macho Man $10)
Betting in exacta box: Dialed In and Twice the Appeal, $5 box.


I will watch the Kentucky Derby and will remember back to a year ago - when my Grandma and I shared a moment that no one else could share.

Ain't She Grand (The Bolek Matriarch)

Virginia Nielsen Bolek was a mother of five and a wonderful wife.
A grandma and great-grandma to many a life.
We can't judge her worth simply on her years on Earth,
But also the memories we will carry as we have since birth,

Of a wonderful woman who carried the name Bolek into what it is today.
A proud family with rich traditions that will stay
Around for milleniums to come
A family that is immense but will always be a unit of One.

While only some of us can claim her as a Grandma, great-grandma or Mom,
She was a mom who was great and grand to us all.
She will remain with us forever and ever.
She will be there with us when we rise and fall.

And rise and fall again, from beginning to end.
An angel over our shoulder when we need a friend.
She is what every family would want with its matriarch.
She led a life that left an indelible mark.

She will always be here, to make sure we are ok.
Day and night, night and day.
Let us not mourn her loss today, but rather celebrate her life.
By being the best children, fathers and mothers, husbands and wives

That we can be. Let's live out her memory.
It's the way she would want it to be.
Today, let's celebrate Virginia Bolek for what she was and what she will be-
A beacon of a Bolek & Nielsen - from now until eternity.