Olympic Gold Standard: If You're Not First, You Might As Well Be Last

Is it possible to say an athlete in the Olympics did well without winning the gold? Is it possible for an Olympian to feel accomplished if he finished behind three other sprinters?

I know he's a douche - look at that grill, but I still think Lochte (and others) get too harsh of treatment when they don't win gold medals. Part of it is their fault, but part of it is our unreasonable expectations as fans.

So much is made (by media and athletes alike) about winning the gold that we start to think that anyone who fails in this pursuit is a failure.

The group of American athletes that comes to mind includes Ryan Lochte (swimmer), Lolo Jones (sprinter) and Tyson Gay (sprinter), although the latter probably had a rough idea that he, along with the rest of the competitors, were competing for second before the race began. That's what the presence of Usain Bolt will do.

What could prompt people, especially those of us who can't walk to the fridge 10 meters away without being out of breath, to say that folks who finish out of the gold position are somehow disappointments? Here's a few reasons I could come up with:

Pre-Olympics Marketing

Critique him for his douche look, not his 2nd/3rd place finishes.

Before the Olympics began, who were some of the most talked-about athletes on the American side? Who was featured on magazine covers, advertisements and appeared on talk-shows in hopes of giving themselves more visibility to the public and future potential sponsors?

Before the 2012 Olympics, I bet most of us had failed to hear who Lochte and Jones were. There's a chance you may have heard of Lochte, who set a world record in the backstroke in Beijing 2008 and also participated in three medal-winning relay teams at that Games. There's a good chance the only guy you remember from the 2008 team is Phelps, and understandably so. That's what being the best at your sport will do.

She's compared to Kournikova, but Lolo has shown her talents more.

Lolo also competed in 2008, finishing 7th in the 100m hurdles. Her name has risen quite a bit since then, posing semi-nude on an ESPN magazine cover, and on the heels of Tebowmania, recently stated in an interview that she is the 30 year old virgin.

Both Lolo and Lochte marketed themselves well before the Olympics. This made them more recognizable and fresh in mind to American viewers, which at the same time raised their expectations. It also made them more vulnerable to criticism should they not live up to the high expectations that media (and even the athletes themselves) have put on them. Out of the reasons for the backlash when there's no gold, I find this marketing to be the biggest problem. When the athletes talk the talk before they walk the walk (bad cliche alert) and then their walk doesn't match the talk, then the bloodhounds among us come out and say these athletes choked.

I can't blame these athletes for marketing themselves as much as they do, especially in sports that are only mainstream for 2 out of every 208 weeks. It's their time to maximize their wealth, and success in the events they are competing in are not guaranteed by any means (See: Dan vs. Dave commercials in 1992). It's amazing that Michael Phelps was able to stay in the marketing spotlight long after Athens, thanks to his endorsement with Subway. Although it did help that he won all those gold medals in 2008 - I doubt Subway commits to a long-term campaign to a guy who doesn't win any golds, especially with swimming out of season anytime outside of the Olympics. If you don't win at the Olympics, your overall marketing wealth goes down, so the pre-Olympic marketing makes perfect sense.

We Expect To Be The Best

Whether it comes to a 100m backstroke in the pool or a competitive hot-dog eating contest, We America expect and demand victory. I'm sure other countries (such as China) have similar expectations with just about every event that they enter, but for the purposes of this blog, I'll stick with the Amurrrrican view point.

Ok, we get it. You're a giant douche.

When we see one of our own fail to win gold, we look at it as a failure. Ryan Lochte may have won five medals in the six events he participated in, but only won two golds, neither of which occurred in an individual event. Perhaps he set the bar high for himself with previous performance, perhaps it had something to do with the way he was marketed beforehand, thus raising his expectations. Most folks would be thrilled to have won 5 medals of any color, but I've read a lot of stories saying his Olympics was a disappointment.

On the other end, Lolo Jones improved on her showing in the last Games but still finished one out of the medal, losing to teammates Dawn Harper (silver) and Kellie Wells (bronze) in the process. Harper and Wells seemed to take an unusual pride in besting Jones despite neither of them winning gold in the event.. They have basically admitted that they were jealous of all the attention that Jones has received. I've even heard of a Lolo comparison to Anna Kournikova - all looks, no talent.

She finished fourth IN THE WORLD in the 100m women's hurdles. That's not a lack of talent. It's actually immense talent that happened to be facing a few others whose talents shined a little more on this particular day at this particular race. Since she didn't win gold, people actually thinks she was a over-hyped marketing campaign. After all, they don't put fourth place people on Wheaties boxes.

Disappointed, but being the 4th best in the world at something ain't that bad.

It's this expectation to win that prevents both the athlete and the fan from getting to enjoy an excellent athlete at his or her craft against the world's best. Have you seen some of these athletes after they actually do accomplish their goal of winning gold? Sure, there's the occasional Gabby Douglas, who hasn't been able to stop smiling since winning the gold in the individual gymnastics competition. Overall though, not enough people seem to enjoy winning the gold - like it's an expected, God-given occurrence.

Underrate Others' Athletes, Overrate Our Own

Going along with expecting our athletes to be the best, in many cases, many America supporters actually do believe that our athletes are the best. While the number of medals we win at each Olympics lends some support to this belief, there are many times where we underestimate our opponent, or at the very least, we (the fan) ignore him or her.

In these sports where our top-ranked athletes like Lochte are expected to win, there's almost always one or two athletes from other counties that have a chance at the gold. When Lochte didn't win the gold in any of his individual events, we were quick to say he choked (or pulled a LeBron circa 2011). I say, we just under-estimate our opponents too often. I'd say some of this under-estimation is the slant of news that we get - heavy dose of American athletes, with very few non-Americans getting the spotlight on the Olympic coverage on NBC and its affiliates.

It's understandable that NBC would do this - as with everything in life, we like to root for our own: our own country, our own team, our own family, etc. Coverage that balanced American athletes with international athletes would not be as well-received and would lose NBC some ratings. We'd rather see an average (by Olympic standards) American athlete compete than the international equivalent or even just slightly better.

How often do you watch the Olympics where they will show the anthem of America when they win the gold? Now how often do you see them play the Canadian or Chinese national anthem? Would we even recognize their national anthems?

Maybe you like holding USA to a higher standard when it comes to the Olympics, and I'm fine with that. Just don't think it's gonna be easy, and don't think we're going to win every event we compete in. And when we lose, we should try showing a little class to these athletes and respect their skill and effort as well as the skill and effort of our opponents.

B List: We Need Fat Guys in the Olympics (List 12)

We're a week into the 2012 Summer Olympics, and I've enjoyed some of the action that's gone on so far. One of my favorite parts of the Games is watching how certain athletes react to getting silver and bronze medals - the less excited they are, the more likely they had astronomical expectations placed on them to win gold. I honestly think you should be able to appreciate any medal that you get, but then again, I'm not the one dedicating my life to these sports in hopes of winning a gold medal.

On a lighter, more comical note, I wonder if I'm the only one watching the Olympics and wondering what it would be like to watch fat guys do some of these events. Could you imagine a guy like Chris Farley doing parallel bars or trying to run the 100 meter dash?

Here's my list (a day late) of the Olympic sports I'd like to see fat guys compete in, a Fat Olympics if you will:

Disclaimer: I consider myself a fat guy, so it's okay for me to make fun of my own. In many of these sports below, I picture myself in these sports and just laugh.

7. Table Tennis - With the small size of the table, ball and paddle, you can't tell me that wouldn't be fun to watch. I keep thinking of the scene in Forrest Gump when he goes to China to play and how fast the game played. A game that plays fast with small equipment, how could you not be entertained by this? I am all for watching chubby folks battle it out on the table.



6. Canoe/Kayak Slalom - I'd like this event if only to say the line "Fat Guy, Little Boat". I hope Tommy Boy fans can appreciate that one. If you've never seen canoe/kayak slalom, it's basically trying to canoe through rapids, except it's a controlled environment. They have so many designated stations to maneuver in and out of, with penalties assessed if you don't go through the stations the right way. The skinny folks who compete in the events look like they could have a tough time squeezing into the kayak. I may be just as amused trying to watch someone like myself getting into the kayak as I would be watching myself desperately trying not to tip over into the rapids throughout the course, which takes Olympic folks about 100 seconds to complete but could take us big boned people a little longer.

5. Synchronized Diving - Imagine the years and years of training that two people have to do together to coordinate their Olympic-style dives. Same body type, using the same form as they jump at the same time from dozens of feet above the water. Now imagine that these two people are heavier - fat people that have to coordinate their body types and make the same exact dives in hopes of winning the Olympic gold. As you can see based on the picture on the right, it's hard enough trying to coordinate the same look as you ride motorcycles together (although it does help to be twins).  Imagine the diving version of this - two fat guys in swimming suits, doing the same twists, turns and flips as they descend in the Olympic-size pool that has no idea the hurting it is in for.

Imagine an Olympic sport with THIS GUY as an "athlete"

4. Beach Volleyball - Many of us have been to the beach where we see people who are just a little too proud of their body types. I am all for self-confidence in your body no matter its appearance, but beaches were not made for equal clothing rights. That's why beach volleyball would be a great sport to watch fat guys compete in. Think of the fattest guy you've ever seen without his shirt on. Now imagine him competing in the Olympics, attempting to use their two-inch vertical jump to spike a ball through the hands of an opponent who is hypnotized by the lava lamp movement of the spiker's "6 pack". That would be pure gold, and yes, that was a terrible Olympic pun.

3. Pole Vault - A pole that is meant to bend: meet a fat guy who bends just about every piece of silverware he uses. In the Olympics, the world record for the pole vault is over 6 meters (which is roughly 18 feet). Imagine a fat guy taking a running approach with this fiberglass pole and trying to launch himself over a pole that high. It's hard enough just imagining a fat guy running. More so than an actual track and field race, I'd prefer to see fat guys do the pole vault out of all track and field events. To see the stress that the pole would be under during this process would be worth the price of admission. To see the pole break would be even more amazing.


2. Trampoline - I wonder how many of you even knew that trampoline was a sport in the Olympics. If I need to go in depth on why this is funny, then I don't have the friends that I thought I had. Much like the pole in the pole vault, I would be intrigued at how well the Olympic-sized trampoline would hold fat guys trying to do acrobatics. If it's anything resembling this guy trying to dunk a basketball on a trampoline, then I may have to launch this to the top of the list of potential Fat Guy Olympic events.

1. Gymnastics - This sport would have all of the elements that we'd love to see together when it comes to fat guys and Olympic events - Tight clothes, balance beams and uneven bars, all trying to survive the stress of the fat guys who will be wearing them, trying to stand on without breaking, and attempting to swing back and forth between.


I apologize to anyone who can't find the humor in this list. But it's a proven fact - fat equals funny. And I believe the Fat Olympics would be a great concept that would warm the hearts of Americans, whose clogged arteries from the decades of Big Mac and Whopper consumption could one day dream of competing in the many events that the Fat Olympics would have to offer. Plus, you know the medal winners would smell the medals in the slightest hope that they were made out of chocolate.