Uncle Brian

Understanding my feelings at this moment
Now is when I start to grasp the feeling of what this
Could feel like, this new member to the family, the newest
Love of our lives. What an amazing feeling this is to
Everyone around us. Here is the newest

The newest Bolek - my awesome (yet to be named) nephew

Bolek to the world, probably not
Ready for the craziness of the family, but
I know that this child will be brought into
A world of immense love. The Boleks and Zipsies
Now have a true bloodline. Brought to us from Jeff & Amber's love.


I still can't process what this title means. I cried the moment I read the text around the 1am mark of today  from my sister that said that we would be the proud uncle/aunt of our brother and sister-in-law's baby very shortly. (welcome to 2013 as far as news alerts go!)

And yes, I squeezed one last workout in before the news was official, as I had to see if I broke the 200 pound barrier as part of my goal to reach 199.9 or lower by the time I became an uncle (I didn't - but that's ok). I will break that 200 barrier when he is a few weeks old. Never mind that - I'm an uncle!

For a man who usually has a thousand words to say on a subject, being an uncle has made me speechless. It's truly a humbling experience that makes me smile from ear to ear. Just to say the words Uncle Brian have to pale in comparison to what Jeff and Amber are thinking as they process the days ahead where they will be called "Dad" and "Mom" (or some baby offshoot of that) in about a year or so.

I can't wait to have a beer (or if he's like my brother, a Squirt) with him and watch football with him (or if he's like my brother, watch him run around like a spaz).

I can't wait to teach him on why the Niners will cover the 6.5 point spread this week.

But most importantly, I can't wait to see the little guy grow up.

Congrats to my brother and his lovely wife on their new baby boy. The boy has broken the streak of girls being born on my mom's side of the family. The last boy born? My brother almost 28 years ago, of course. Since then, from my sister to my youngest cousin, there were six girls born in a row (a span of almost 24 years).

I can't wait to see this little bundle of joy later today.

Uncle Brian. Awesome.

Best Man Speech: The Jeffrey & Amber Bolek Edition

The speech, as I read it at the reception - 7-7-12. Feel free to steal anything here. Just credit me for it.

And thank you to everyone who came up to me and said my speech was a good one. Means a lot.

Good evening everyone. My name is Brian, or as some of you might know me as, Farty Pants. Thank you for joining in the celebration of Jeff and Amber’s marriage. I will try to make this as painless of a best man speech as possible. I’ll spare you the stories of the teasing that me and my cousins would do to him by calling him Personal Pan Peff when we were little or the story of Jeff spitting on me because he thought I spit on him when it was really a bird that pooped on his head.

This guy, who I have the privilege of calling my brother, has been the greatest brother a guy could ask for. We’re the only two in the family that can say they were born in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan (although I’m not sure that’s something to brag about).

My initial memories of my brother stem from his days in leg braces, back when he was around 4 or 5 years old.  That period of time was the only time he was ever slowed down, ever. And the braces didn’t even do a good job of that. When he got them off, he suddenly became the fastest guy I knew. He hasn’t sat still since he was born. If he wanted to pull a Forrest Gump and run back and forth between the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, he could have (and still could). In addition to his speed, he’s always been one of the strongest guys I know (whisper…and don’t tell him this, but I think he could beat me up).

One thing I’ve always admired about my brother is his loyalty to his friends and family. I’ve heard countless stories about friends of his that seem to find themselves trouble, only for my brother to step up in a time of need and get that friend out of trouble. I can remember a time when I needed a ride from the 12:30am train and he was there in Oak Forest to pick me up…except I ended up falling asleep and waking up in Tinley Park and couldn’t contact him because my phone died. Funny enough, he knew of my tendency to fall asleep on trains, so he was driving around both Tinley stops looking for me at about 2am. I eventually found a pay phone and sure enough, he was already looking for me at both stops.

Getting back to his personal life, I’d say I was jealous of Jeff’s popularity. When I wasn’t toting this beer gut, I was a proud Mathlete with bifocals. Luckily, Jeff didn’t have such interests or vision problems. He always had girls interested in him from a very young age. Although I have to honestly say, none of them matched the overall beauty of his bride Amber.

Amber is the perfect girl for Jeff in every which way—with the way she loves him and takes care of him and ESPECIALLY with the way she gets along with him. I love him to death, but he is not the easiest guy to get along with—it has to take the patience and loving of a saint to deal with him 24/7. To that Amber, I wish you good luck—you’re gonna need it.

In all seriousness, you two are perfect for each other, and I know it’s going to last. Not because of anything I just mentioned above. No. Amber, you have done something today that Boleks have failed to do for the past two decades –you have got him to ditch shorts for a day to wear a pair of pants. So to make Jeff feel comfortable the rest of the night, I figured I’d lend him a pair. Sorry to tell you this Amber, but this is my wedding gift to you guys. (Hands shorts to Jeff). Yes, I did write that into my speech.

In closing, I’d like to say to you both—thank you for letting us be a part of your day. It is fitting that on today’s date 7/7, two people could be so lucky and come together as one. I can’t wait to see you two grow old together. A toast to the newlyweds.

B List - Dos and Don'ts of Best Man Speeches (List 8)

I am on the eve of giving a speech to the best brother a man can ask for. It's a speech that I take great pride in, a speech that I want to have an impression on the people attending the wedding.

Since I have made myself contractually obligated to create a B List every Friday, I decided to look at a website that features the do's and don'ts of best man speeches. Here are 7 of the do's and don'ts that stand out and how I rate myself according to each one.

7. Do have a drink to loosen up. Don't have 10 drinks to loosen up. This shouldn't be a problem. I'll probably have a couple beers at the house here before the wedding. I definitely don't want to be slurring my words during my speech. Later on in the night, say around 11:30pm, I make no guarantees.

6. Do flatter the bride. This won't be a problem either. Amber is a great girl, especially for my brother. I already have a chunk of my speech dedicated to her.

5. Don't wing it. This is something I couldn't do. I have things I would say without the benefit of a written speech, but I'm not good enough at just coming up with an entire speech on the fly. The speech is written, with a few things in it that I could add on the fly I'm sure. But by no means could I wing it completely.

4. Don't read it from a sheet of paper. I don't think I'm going to obey this one, unless I get around to writing some of it on note cards. I've already wrote it out on a word document. I'm probably just going to disobey this one and hope I don't rely completely on the piece of paper.

3. Do Keep It Short.  I don't know this guy's definition of short, but it won't take up an entire hour. I'm sure it'll take a few minutes though. And that's what she said. I won't give you the satisfaction of finishing that one...and that's what she said again.

2. Do Balance It Out. Again, I should have this covered by mentioning Amber in a chunk of my speech. I don't see how someone could give a speech that focuses solely on one person, even if you don't know either the bride or groom very well.

1. Don't Say Anything Dirty. I'm not sure if the word "Damn" is considered dirty. If it is, I may be saying something dirty. Perhaps I should browse the speech one more time to make sure I don't have anything too bad in it. I have to consider the half of the people that I don't know when giving this speech.

Nah, fuck it.