Like Chris Brown did to Rihanna, I am doing to the sportsbook

"If the cops ask, this is how many times I hit you...there, you got it!"

Ok, ok. I haven't sent the sportsbook to the hospital yet or asked the sportsbook to forgive me and go back out with me. But there's still 6 weeks of football left, so give that some time.

This has seriously been one of the best seasons I've had in betting games. Only comparable stretch I had was in early 2009 when I made a profit for like 15-16 straight days when I had an online account on a site called bookmaker ("We can't pay you fast enough" was a t-shirt I got with gambling points from using their site so much over the years). A bad stretch from late October thru middle of November had me thinking the first 7-8 weeks of football were a mirage, but I regrouped and have started to kick the shit out of the guy who books my bets. And believe me, it's hard to kick the shit out of someone you've never met before, but that's just how awesome I've been. Winning money while gambling is one of the sweetest feelings that there is to experience (editor's note: there's a lot of feelings that I haven't encountered yet, so hence the bold/pathetic statement). If you aren't a gambler or don't do sports betting, then it's hard to describe or analogize (if that's even a word). Maybe it's like giving birth to a genetically superior child, except here, the child is a wad of money.

Totally nailed the under of the Niners game yesterday (barely). Thank you to the impotent 49ers offense for scoring only 7 points to help keep the total score under 45. A nice 5 game streak of totals bets amidst a 11-3 run recently has me at a season high 8 games above .500 (34-26 - 56.7%) in NFL betting. Hoping to avoid another slump like I experienced last month.

Give a brother some love and take these money makers to the bank:

Miami/Buffalo (Under 41): Inept offenses on both sides. While in the past Miami's rushing game was their strength, their two-headed monster of Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams never got going this year. This may be their last chance to do so, as the Bills rush defense is the worst in the league. I expect Miami to run the ball about 45-50 times between their running backs and keep this clock going. However, Miami's had a lot of drives stall this year, leading to high fantasy scores for kicker Dan Carpenter- so I project Miami for 1 ground TD and about 3-4 field goals here. Miami QBs for one reason or another (maybe it's just cuz they suck balls) haven't been able to get Brandon Marshall the ball. On the other side of the ball, signal-caller Ryan Fitzpatrick has lost his deep threat Lee Evans, which makes me think that Steve Johnson, who quietly is 5th in receiving TDs this year, will be seeing double teams the rest of the year. Fitz doesn't make many mistakes, so I don't expect to see any of the pick-6s that you might be accustomed to seeing with Peyton Manning lately. Buffalo will feature Fred Jackson, who has made his share of big plays this year. I think the loss of Evans will also allow to stack the box more on Jackson, so I don't expect many big plays. I envision a 16-13 score.

Leans- I don't have strong feelings on much outside of that under, but I'll probably book a few more bets on Sunday outside of that. Right now, Carolina -2.5, Balt/NO Over 44, NYG/Phil under 46, Detroit +5.5 and Jax +4.5 are all on my radar.

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend before Christmas. If you're getting drunk- let someone else drive and puke in their car. If you're a DD, feel free to punch me in the face if someone listens to this statement and tells you Brian Bolek told me to do this.