The Evolution of Friends

It's been quite a while since I've posted an article on here that had no reference to sports. Maybe it's because for the most part, life has been static - still no work (although I feel like I'm getting closer to getting work). No work equates to lessening of doing much on the social end of things - less going out to eat, less bar visits, and sadly, the elimination of being a regular member of a bowling team (I am a sub this year instead). So yeah - not much going on that's sparked my mind to write.

But just now, an idea sprung up as I was staring at my Twitter account 10 minutes shy of 4am local time. I was reminded of one avenue of my life that has probably occupied way too much of my time in the past few months, yet has had a great effect on my daily life - and that is Twitter itself.

And it got me to thinking about the evolution of my friendships, starting all the way from my early years as a 4-5 year old to now and how it's all somehow merged into the current life that I live.

I've found seven distinct times in my life of friendships. For the purposes of this blog, I have not mentioned family specifically (even though I consider many in my family to be friends), for I was born into it - you are assumed to be in the range of ages 0 thru current.


1. The Mister Rodgers Friends (ages 4 thru 8) - This is the group of friends who I grew up with, the guys who lived on the block or within a few blocks of my house. The neighborhood friends. Playing ball in front of the house, running around with endless energy, and the random games played, these friends defined the first part of my life. While I still have a couple of friends who I still talk to from this time in my life, unfortunately many of these friends moved away from my neighborhood at a young age before I could get to know them as teenagers and eventually adults. Maybe it was for the better - they could be raging douche bags right now for all I know. The others I lost touch with from this time were usually the product of changed social circles in future school years.

2. The Sports/Club Friends (ages 8 thru 18) - This span of time includes an "amazing" athletic career that spanned glorious Little League seasons and a few less-than-glorious basketball seasons (go ahead, look at the trophies I won, hell if I even know where they are). These seasons ranged from sitting on the bench for the majority of a travelling All-Star team (at the age of 8, I learned very quickly on how badly adults want to win Little League games) to prouder moments, such as a game-winning hit in one of the first night baseball games I ever played (an All-Star match-up between neighboring towns). In between all of these moments developed my second group of buddies. With each baseball level spanning two grades, the only group of kids you ever got to play with every year were the guys in your grade, but I still got to know the kids a year older and a year younger fairly well.

Looking back on it, I don't think I kept many friends from this era of my life either, except when you head into the latter half of the time frame and you focus on the limited clubs I was in during high school. In lieu of athletic talent that translated to making a high school team, I was a Mathlete. I'm not really sure how I managed to go through junior high and high school as a Math nerd while avoiding being picked on or bullied, but here I sit, glad I don't have the mental scars that may come from that. A few friends of mine from Mathletes (Nick and Chris) are important figures in my life - for they inspired my participation in Fit Happens, a weight loss contest that spanned the first half of the year and led to me losing about 35 pounds (sadly, I've probably put back 15-20 since the contest ended). We also interact constantly during the NFL season, even if it's as indirect as participating in a year-long NFL contest for a few years running now. Outside of them though, no friends from this era remain.

3. The Work Friends (Ages 16-17) - While I didn't know it at the time, when I was applying for jobs in the summer of 1999 in hopes of landing my first job as a teenager with a license, I was actually applying for who I was going to spend my adulthood with (and basically applying for the rest of my life). Had another company other than Jewel/Osco (a Chicago-based grocery story) called my parent's house and interviewed me before they did, I doubt I'd have 95% of my current friends (assuming I took the job). In fact, I remember a pizza company calling a day or two after my interview with Jewel - who would my friends be if they called before Jewel and I took that job?

My friend and his wife (I'm two guys away from the groom)

With this group of friends, I drank my first full beer. I've gone on road trips and vacations. I've seen them start serious relationships, have them end, and have others start up. I've stood up in their weddings. I will see them start families. And all the in-between - the cosmic bowling, trips to Beggars Pizza, Monday Nights at Buffalo Wild Wings or a local pub.

And all of this occurs thanks to a thankless job of pushing carts (which was actually my favorite thing to do) and bagging groceries for depressing customers.

Look back on your current base of friends, and try see if you can pinpoint a turning point in your life like this. Before writing this, I didn't realize how mind-blowing this part of my life is in hindsight. I am glad Jewel called me back for an interview, and then hired me. For that $5.45 an hour, I got a whole lot more away from the job.

4. The College Friends (Ages 18-22) - Compared to the previous era of friends, this one pales in comparison. I have a few people I still speak to from U of I that are great friends, but this was a place and time that is remembered in a totally different manner. I have great memories of the dorm days, nights spent on endless hours of Mario Kart and Ladder Matches on the WWF games on my Nintendo 64. When the dorm setting transformed into an apartment life, so did the type of entertainment. Instead of video games, the prime form of fun was the small parties I threw, primarily in my junior year. Those who were lucky enough to see the dances on the mini-fridge will never forget those moments. Strangely, I think I speak with more people who came to those parties (people who went to school at the neighboring Parkland College) than I do with dormmates/classmates from UIUC.



I quickly learned after college that most of these people, especially the guys who I lived in the dorm with, were situational friends - which was probably perfect looking back.

5. The Work Friends, Part 2 (Ages 24-27) - My first professional work setting was during this time. I got this job thanks to a lead from one of my few friends from UIUC. The people I met through this time in my life saw me go through quite the transformation as a young adult, particularly towards the end of my time there. While I'd say I retain a few more friends from this point in my life than college, I would say that many fit in the same position as the college friends, where many of us were friends while working together but completely lost touch when my time there ended.

And I should stress - the situational friends should not be looked at negatively. It's a part of life actually. After all, it's impossible to remain close to that many people when you no longer see them on a daily basis. Remaining close to every person you've had at every school you've been to, every job you've had, is not possible. If you're lucky, some of the ones who are no longer on your daily/weekly routine of work/school will want to get together on a random Saturday afternoon.

6. The School Friends, Part 2 (Age 27-28) - This sequence was a shorter one, as there were fewer people involved in this specific situation. With the broadcasting program I took only occupying 10 months, the time of fraternizing was much limited compared to a 4-year university setting. I knew that I would likely never talk to many of the people I had in class with (about 20 people) once the program was over. And for the most part, it's been accurate. I set up a Facebook group for us to keep in touch, which we do occasionally. I like hearing the good stories that some of them share about work successes that are related to the radio/TV broadcasting classes we took there. And if that's the main part of our relationships going forward, that's ok. I've tried a few times after our program ended in April 2011 for us to get together, but only a few people will even show. I hope all of my friends from this era succeed in broadcasting or whatever it is they decide to do.

7. The Online Friends (Age 28 - current) - While I worked a job at this time, my office settings were such that I did not have opportunities to meet new people and participate in happy hours and other social occasions with co-workers. This also applied to my dating life. The limited number of relationships I had up until this age in my life had been of the traditional "meeting a friend of a friend and dating that person" that has probably occurred throughout time. The problem with this approach is - once you're single again, and your friends no longer have friends to introduce you to, the well dries up. And if you live in a smaller population (i.e. not a huge city like Chicago) like I did, even your options at the bars to meet new people are very limited. If you go into the same bar on the same day of the same week in the Chicago suburbs, you will notice similar faces in the bar every week. Once I noticed this fact, I knew I had to try a different approach to meeting women.

Me and Jen as Peg & Al Bundy for Halloween 2011

You all know the story now -> guy joins online dating website -> guy goes on a few dates -> guy falls in love with a girl -> guy's family/friends become girl's family/friends and vice versa. And with meeting Jen, I have been introduced to my latest group of friends...her friends. With as long as we've been dating though, I don't think there's debate now that they are OUR friends. There's been several times in our time dating where I will actually hang out with some of these people without Jen around. I don't feel any differently around this group than I would my own group of friends.

Also during this time, I have joined Twitter and found a limitless number interesting characters among the 140-character-limit confines of the website. I have found a niche of using Twitter to share my thoughts on sports, as well as some other random material that I normally wouldn't post on Facebook.

One of the most different features of Twitter that Facebook has somewhat installed on its end is the ability to follow someone without them having to follow you - or to more accurately describe the benefit, the opposite should be mentioned - someone can choose to follow your content and what you say, but the follow back is not necessarily a given (while in a Facebook "friendship", you have equal access to their profile as they do of yours [unless you set up some customized security stuff on the side]).  Why is this nice? Personally, I get a kick out of someone, anyone, giving two craps about what I think or say about a subject. Some might be following me just to see who I like in the weekly slate of NFL games - and hey, that's fine too, but maybe it's the narcissistic element of "hey, someone gives a damn what I think about something, and I've never met them face-to-face or even talked to about 90% of these people" that makes me pause and realize the power that this social media has.

Stairway out of '11: The Year That Was

The year that was - it was 2011.
Some great things entered my life, some went to heaven.

Goodbye to my wonderful Grandma, a great woman to all.
Always around for us whenever we'd rise and fall.

So long to my Buddy of 15 years, man's best friend.
The old man was loyal until the very end.

For the loss I had, there was plenty of good in my life.
I had a great pair of friends who took the dive

Into a marriage that was as unique as themselves.
Definitely something to keep in my memory shelf.


My Niners are surprising, no Christmas coal.
I'm crossing my fingers for a Super Bowl.

There was the usual Vegas trip (ok, two).
At least I won (wait, I did lose).

What was unusual was activity in dating.
In the past I was left alone and debating

An online route to meet a great girl
After a two-month relationship, I entered the online dating world.

Met a pretty ginger who has been amazing.
Feeling like a kid who is star gazing.

It's nice to have another half to make things whole
Someone to compliment the heart and soul.

With these things in my life, I have much to love.
My family and friends continue to fit me like a glove.

It's fun to grow old around all these fools I know.
The theatre of life, there's always a great show.

The Mayans say that the world will end soon.
I'll take my chances that day and sleep till noon.

For 2011 exits, 2012 will begin.
And hopefully I'll be singing this happy tune all over again.

Thanks-Filled: What This Guy is Thankful For

With less than a week till Thanksgiving, we all have something to be thankful for. More importantly, we all have someone or many someones to be thankful for.

Some things to be thankful for:

Life - Hey, I'm still living and breathing as I type this, so I have to be thankful for that. Without it, I don't know you, and you don't know me. Maybe you don't want to know me - but tough.

Family - Granted, it's a collection of someones. But I think that lumping the family together is appropriate given what they do for me as a collective unit. I love my family - which yes, includes pets - and they love me back. There's no questioning this. I couldn't live without them. This includes immediate and otherwise.

Friends - I could probably leave this category out, since many of my friends have turned into family and are actually embraced as family by my own family. I feel like I'm in several families myself with the friends that I have gotten to know over the years. On one hand, you get a family based on birth, which is your real family. Once you grow older, this is when you pick your extended family (your friends). In both cases, my extended family and my real family are big parts of me and define who I am. I've always believed that the friends you have are a true reflection of who you are as a person. I have great friends, and I am a greater man because of it.

Employment - In this day and age, it can't be understated how good it is to have a steady job that pays the bills. I work with a great company with a great boss who has my back and appreciates the work that I do. In March, I will be going to Costa Rica on a company trip with these folks. I'm really happy to be with this company and the people who are in it.

Sports - Everyone who knows me and reads this blog knows of my passion for sports. Ever since I was the age of 5 or 6, I've been a sports nut. I'd wake up early even in grade school and watch the 30 minute Sportscenter on repeat 4-5 times over before going to school. I've memorized & internalized an unhealthy amount of sports facts and trivia. However, as I have become an adult, I realize the true role that sports have in my life. They are a distraction, they provide us entertainment and pointless arguments. At the end of the day when the game is over, we still have our lives to live. We still have all of the above things I've mentioned to appreciate. So my fellow sports fans: never lose perspective on what sports provide to us and how they should be in our lives.

(Digression alert: I usually try avoiding arguments with people and sports though - when our teams lose, many people think they are smarter than the coaches and general managers and think we can hire better coaches and design better plays and strategies, when in fact we don't know a tenth of what these guys know)


There's probably plenty more to be thankful for, but most of it in my life can be traced to the above items.

Like my reflection on Veterans last week, make sure that today and beyond, you appeciate and be thankful for everything good that is around you. Our time in this world is limited, so don't spend it being angry or upset.

Friend it Like Beckham: How FB Has Changed Social Conventions of What a Buddy is

In the past week, I've deleted about 40 friends from Facebook, and I could probably delete 40-50 more people. I've blindly accepted some friend requests in the past, notably from people from high school that I haven't spoken to since then (and really didn't speak to while in high school). I haven't been as quick to delete those ones as some other people who I've met once in my life or not at all and don't anticipate ever talking to again.

I'm wondering how many people actually go through the process of "unfriending" people. I see how many people that people are "friends" with and I laugh hysterically at it. There's no way that anyone could be friends with thousands of people. Sure, you could have met with and had a decent conversation or two with that many people over the course of your life. However, I highly doubt that any of us are truly friends with more than a hundred people at most, and that includes family.

Facebook has changed what it means to be a friend to someone. Back in the day (oh crap, using this phrase legitimately - what's next, a cane and false teeth?), friends were people that you hung out with at least once every so often. You would talk on the phone, talk at school and make plans to hang out.

Now it's probably more than just FB that changes the definition of a friend. As we grow older and move onto our new lives and careers, many of us grow apart and need technology to keep us connected. Hanging out and talking every day is not possible like it was before as a result of our new lives. So perhaps it's necessary to have these technologies to have any semblence to an "every-day friendship" like you may have once had with some people.

I also understand there are different degrees of friendship and different roles that people play in your lives. Some friends are closer, always have been close, and will be your friends whether you have a Facebook or not. Some are friends you may share a particular interest with and just share stories/activites with them and Facebook adds a dimension to your friendship with them that provides some use.

Then there's the friends who add you merely to add to their ever-growing list of friends as a way to boost their friend total. I don't know how anyone with thousands of friends (or even beyond 400-500 friends) could contact all of these people beyond the standard "Happy Birthday" messages in a given year. I don't see how it's possible. If you are a person who has this many people as a friend on FB and you can do this, I applaud you. I just don't see how I could really be friends (and decent enough friends where I know what's going on in people's lifes and hang out with them once every so often) with that many people. Hell, 368 or whatever I got right now is ridiculous.

If you find yourself deleted from my list and you read this blog every so often, no need to take offense. I'm trying to personalize Facebook to be more like who my real friends and real social network are like.

I'd love to try establishing more conversation with some people that I don't talk to as much, so if you read this and haven't talked to me in a while and would like to, please feel free to message me on the site.

I Got Your Back: The Power of a Solid Network

There's nothing quite like knowing that someone has your back. In order for someone to look out for you like this, you have to instill a sense of trust in the person. This process usually takes time to develop, but once you do,  they got your back for life.

I am thinking of this as I took on a role at work the past 3 days that was unfamiliar to me: that of a consultant relations person. After my boss forwarded over all of the potential consultants that we were looking to hire for a project coming up, I read the emails and noticed that a lot of the people who were looking for work had been told by fellow consultants about the job opening. My task for this week, which was to interview the consultants, allowed me to peer into the world of consultant networking.

This helped me realize two things about the consulting world: (1) While it appears to be large, the consultant network is tightly connected and (2) the relationships that consultants have developed with each other is no different than that of a good friend referring another to an ordinary job.

Every day, whether you know it or not, you are networking with someone - whether it be talking to a new person on the phone at your job or saying hello to the clerk at the grocery store. Every impression you make with someone goes a long way in determining future opportunities should your job situation somehow fall apart.

I am no stranger to the above. My last two jobs, I have received interviews (and then later was hired) thanks to a recommendation from someone I had developed a friendship at different points in my life (one through school and another through work). People are always more willing to hire someone that comes with a recommendation from someone that they trust. Why go through all the trouble and hassle of mounds and mounds of cover letters and resumes that flood your desk and email inbox when you can take the word of someone that you've developed a friendship/professional relationship with. Many times (not all the time - nothing is ever fool proof), the person recommended is a success - and this opportunity likely wouldn't have existed if the middle person (who knows both the employer and future employee) didn't develop good repore with both parties.

So next time you are in a position to make a good impression on someone, it would be in your best interests to do so. You never know who you might need to put in a good word for you if you or someone you know happens to need employment.

Youth Wasted on the Young - No More

In the past 9 days, I doubt I went to bed any earlier than 1:30-2am. Many times, especially the weekends, I found myself hitting the hay closer to 3am. I can say that a combination of house sitting and hanging out with the new lady had a big role in that.

Am I complaining? Not in the slightest. In fact, I'm embracing it. No one should embrace a lack of sleep, you say.

But it doesn't affect my work, doesn't affect my relationships with others and I usually end up making up the sleep on the weekends. Today (well, Sunday) is the perfect example of that - I was in bed until 12:30pm, which I haven't done in years. I was surprised my dad/mom let me sleep that late. Maybe they figured I could use the beauty sleep.

(I know others - and rightly so - would say that you can't really make up sleep that you've lost. But I've always been one who functions well on about 6 hours of sleep).

If staying awake being entertained by friends and enjoying the company of others is a crime, I'm guilty as charged.

This past month, I have found myself hanging out with people several years younger than me. It reminds me of the energy I used to have and the energy I can still have. Granted, this will require me to get into better shape to feed off of this fountain of youth.

However, with the future I see ahead of me, I feel that it will be worth it. I will make sure that youth is no longer wasted on the young.

(I know I'm not old, but go with it, people!)

Stairway to 2011

April 1st is around the corner, which roughly marks the start of the 2nd quarter of the year. It also marks the start of my brief demise last year after battling some personal issues. As I said during that stretch, sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you climb your way back up. I'm hoping that personal rock bottom was achieved, because ever since I got back on my feet fully in mid July (the start of school and a new job), I've been heading up for the most part. This applies especially in 2011. Some personal achievements:

(1) Approaching the end of my 10 month program with the Illinois Center for Broadcasting and I've figured out what I want to apply for- video editing positions. I know there's plenty for me to learn about editing still, but I know I can get better and have been getting better with each assignment.

(2) I was able to meet my company at Tango2 (a consulting company) for the first time in my 9 months on the job in Puerto Rico. As many of you saw through pictures, I was able to enjoy 4 days in awesome weather, which played a part in all of the company mingling and getting to know each other for the first time. This trip will make me work harder to get my co-workers more work in health systems.

(3) Our bowling team won the 1st half championship and can clinch first place money by winning 2nd half. With my new bowling ball, I have improved my average by 7 pins in 9 weeks of bowling (172 to 179) by averaging over 190 in that span. Likewise, much of my team is making awesome strides and getting better as the season progresses. The worst we can finish for this session is 2nd place.

(4) To cap off an awesome weekend which was primarily based at Tim Wolfs and included the company of many of my great friends from the past 12 years, I was able to enjoy the company of one of my best friends (Spence) and his/our friends this past week as part of Mr. Spencer's bachelor party. Whenever a group of friends can get together after a long hiatus, it reminds you of the great past you have had as friends and what a great fortune it is to have great friends to share your future with.

(5) I continue to meet and be introduced to awesome people. Unlike some people who grow older and close off the expansion of their friend base, I love meeting new people and striking up conversation with whoever is willing to listen to my loud voice. To those I've met recently that have become part of my daily rotation of conversation, I'm glad we've met and I hope we continue to get to know each other.

(6) Our family took in a foreign exchange student about a month ago. I must admit at first, I didn't know what to think about a new person living in our house for three months. However, Maria has been nothing but a delight to have around. It's nice being able to pick the brain of someone who is experiencing American culture for the first time. Someday, I'd like to think I'll come up in stories in Columbia where a Spanish to English translation of  "I have no idea why Brian had so much gas" comes up.

That's about all I got for now. I hope you read it and enjoy.

All I know is that the first quarter of this year has proven to be awesome and will only continue to get better.

Thanks to everyone for contributing to the above and I hope we continue to share awesome times together.