An Ordinary April Day, An Extraordinary Sports Day

When my weekend started with a hungry cat waking me up and basically begging me to go to Jewel in my gym shorts at around 11:30am, I didn't think that much could be made of this day. Sure, I had my plans for the day: watch parts of the NFL draft and the Bulls game. Yeah, a little action on the game didn't hurt, but I would have wanted to watch the game anyways - I love NBA playoff games.

However, between the two events, I could never have anticipated that the next 2-4 hours would present itself with a couple of great sports moments that came out of nowhere and reaffirmed why I have loved sports since raising myself on it since I was a 4 or 5 year old.

Faith Yes (Latti)More

At around the same time the Bulls game was starting, the San Francisco 49ers (my boys) were drafting in the fourth round of the NFL draft. I'm not even sure why I had the draft on. At that point in the draft, I'll usually just ignore the draft on TV and casually read a story about the picks later in the day, but something had me gravitating towards the 4th round. Who would the Niners pick?

I had heard Marcus Lattimore on the Dan Patrick Show earlier in the week mention that there were a few teams that were interested in drafting him in the mid-rounds, despite tearing nearly every important leg ligament back in October. One of those teams was the Niners, whose running back stable is pretty strong and also has a starting RB who had some bad leg injuries while in college (Frank Gore). And that guy didn't turn out so badly, did he?

You see where this story is going - the Niners went ahead and selected Lattimore with the 131st overall pick in this year's draft, about the halfway point of the draft. However, if he can overcome his injury, there's many who think he could be the best player in this draft class. Needless to say, I marked out and screamed for the first time for a fourth round pick in my lifetime.

Lattimore may not be able to overcome the several severe leg injuries that he has suffered throughout the years, but that's not the point today. The story from today is one of hope - the football equivalent of the part of Spring Training where pitchers and catchers report. As a sports fan, all you want is some hope for your team from time to time - especially during offseason moments when your next year's team is being built.

Consider me among the millions of many hopeful Niners fans who believe. For the first time since the Super Bowl ended with my boys on the wrong end of the Super Bowl, I can officially ask...is it NFL yet?

DAAAAAAA BULLS

And that Bulls games that I mentioned? At first, it was your average playoff game. Strong first half shooting by both teams had me thinking that it was going to be a close game. I had bet the Bulls to cover the 3 point spread for the game. They led by 3 at the half, but I wasn't feeling strong about the bet, so I "bought out of the bet" (bet the Nets to win the 2nd half), which essentially made it so it didn't matter what happened in the second half - I broke even.

My buying out bet looked smart for the majority of the second half, until Nate Robinson, NBA's version of Mighty Mouse, decided to turn in one of the best NBA Playoff performances in recent memory. The Bulls stormed back from a double digit deficit with just over 3 minutes left to force overtime thanks to the shooting exploits of Mr. Robinson.

The first overtime featured twists and turns that were befitting of an all-time classic game. Robinson's bank shot with 2 seconds put the Bulls ahead by two, only to be matched by Joe Johnson's buzzer shot that forced a second overtime.

At that time, I left my apartment in a frenetic fast-walking pace (I had to meet Jen at her work and thought with a fast walk and leaving early that I could catch the end of the second overtime). I missed the second overtime, but luckily got to the bar next to Jen's work to catch most of the third overtime.

As I sat there and enjoyed one of my first Summy Shandys of 2013, I overheard several groups of people saying that they left this game over an hour before (when they were trailing in the fourth quarter). What the hell - how can you leave any game early, especially a playoff game? I don't care about the traffic implications. If you're willing to buy tickets for a playoff game AND attend it, you have to see the game all the way through. A regular season game, I still think you sit through the entire game, but I'll at least excuse it a little bit, especially since it's only one of 82 (or w/ baseball, 162, etc.).

But leaving during a playoff game? It's only one of seven guaranteed games in a playoff series (if you're lucky enough to win some games in it). I couldn't imagine buying tickets to a Bulls game like that and leaving early because the game was "out of hand" or "I wanted to beat traffic". I wish the United Center took pictures of these people and never let them attend another playoff game again.

Anywho, I'm waaaaay off track. The Bulls ended up winning the game in the third overtime (my second bet on the Nets ended up being a loser). The game is an instant classic. A game which I am currently watching on replay.

I never thought that an ordinary day in sports could turn into one which reaffirmed why I love it so much. Thanks to Lattimore and Nate Robinson, I was able to remember what attracted me to sports in the first place - hope, drama, redemption, success.

Like the cat when I came home with food, my day's appetite was fulfilled.

2013 NFL Mock Draft - The Coach's Edition

The NFL draft is less than two days away. This year doesn't present as many great names as last year's class did. The Lucks, RG3's and Richardsons will make way for Geno Smith and other players considered less talented than their elders a year older.

So instead of projecting who each team will draft, I decided to figure out who each team would draft as a coach, assuming all coaches were made free agents. For the purposes of this coach draft, I will not allow for drafting of coaches who are not already coaches. Otherwise, the Oakland Raiders may wreck the curve and draft a high school coach with a great 40 speed.

Without further ado...we have Kansas City on the clock. Many mock drafts have the Chiefs taking Jim Harbaugh, whose mere presence has overturned a proud 49ers franchise from the depths of mediocrity into what looks to be a perennial winner.

"With the first pick in the 2013 Coaches Draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select...Jim Harbaugh from the University of Michigan".

Great pick. Many in the green room are shocked that Belichick wasn't the first off the board, but the Chiefs are going with the hot up-and-comer with the raw skills. In his couple stints as a coach on both the college and pro levels, Harbaugh has experience in getting the most out of his quarterbacks. And wouldn't you know, the Chiefs traded for Alex Smith this offseason. This coaching pick couldn't have worked out any better. In addition to his coaching experience with Smith, Harbaugh has a speedster in the form of Jamaal Charles to work with. We've seen the kind of turn-around the Niners had in his two seasons. Expect to see the Chiefs contending for a playoff spot next year.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are on the clock. This pick seems to be academic. Before Shad Khan can have anyone second guess themselves, he runs to hand the envelope to Goodell himself.

"With the second pick in the 2013 Coaches Draft, the Jacksonville Jaguars select...Bill Belichick from Hoodie U." 

Playing the best on the board card, the Jags are desperate for a coach who can lead them to consistent playoff berths. More than that, this team needs someone to save it from becoming a casualty of empty seat syndrome. He's going to need a lot of help gutting this roster, but trust that he will get the right offensive pieces in place to be competitive in 3-4 years. And if they don't, the hoodie he wears will become an easy way for him to hide.

Now, the draft room eagerly awaits the ghost of Al Davis, who has ascended from his suite in hell to make his annual April appearance in New York City. Will the Raiders disappoint? Let's find out.

"With the third pick in the 2013 Coaches Draft, the Oakland Raiders select....Jim Schwartz from Georgetown University."

And there is no disappointment here, except for Raiders fans (remember them, Al?). The Ghost of Davis was said to be in the market for a coach whose attributes the attitude of a Raider, and what better coach to draft than the one whose squads have led the world in penalties on and off the field in the past couple years. Davis felt shamed that his franchise was rising in the ranks of sportsmanship - hence the drafting of Schwartz. With his lack of NFL experience, Marc Trestman was considered to be a heavy favorite to be drafted here, but his successful background in Canada prevented The Ghost of Davis from making a move.

The Eagles have the fourth pick. With their cluster of likely-to-underachieve QBs, one pick makes perfect sense here. And no, it's not Andy Reid, nicknamed by some rude waiters as "Andy Feed" for his penchant of clearing all-you-can-eat buffets in 45 minutes from local restaurants.

Nope, the Eagles are likely going the route of another husky coach. Since we're not allowed to tip the picks on Twitter, I'll let you "figure" it out.

"With the fourth pick in the 2013 Coaches Draft, the Philadelphia Eagles select...Rex Ryan from Southwestern Oklahoma State University."

Who knows better how to handle a stable of mediocre QBs than Ryan, as noted by last season's miserable Jets campaign. Whether it was a butt fumble or completely ignoring the cat calls for Tim Tebow, Ryan did all he could to campaign for a seat in a Lovie Smith presidency, basically telling naysayers to fuck off and saying "Sanchez is our quarterback." (did you just say 'fuck off?' We're on air!). Don't worry, everyone tuned me out anyways.

And for the cheese steak shops worried about profit margins going down with Reid out of town, you can breathe a sigh of relief. You still have a rotund man as the coach for the Eagles.

Back to the picks. The Lions are the first team to draft without their original coach at the helm. What to do, what to look for. Rod Marinelli isn't available, much to the dismay of Detroit paper bag manufacturers. And they can't draft another wide receiver (sorry Mike Williams and Charles Rodgers).

The Lions look to be hesitating on their pick. They might take the full 15 minutes to make it. And just in the nick of time, the Lions submit their pick to the commish.

"With the fifth pick in the 2013 Coaches Draft, the Detroit Lions select...Sean Payton from Eastern Illinois University"

Everyone is shocked at this pick - shocked that the Lions made a great pick! Fresh off of his year-long suspension for his role in the bounty scandal, Payton's value increased tremendously. The Saints' drop off was largely credited to the absence of Payton, who made New Orleans into a perennial playoff contender. Payton may look to bring with him Gregg Williams in an effort to set an unbreakable record for penalties and penalty yards in a season.

Since you probably stopped reading (or mainly because I can't see myself doing this for 27 other teams), I will simulate the rest of the coaching picks and give a little blurb on each.


1. Kansas City Chiefs - Jim Harbaugh

2. Jacksonville Jaguars - Bill Belichick

3. Oakland Raiders - Jim Schwartz

4. Philadelphia Eagles - Rex Ryan

5. Detroit Lions - Sean Payton

6. Cleveland Browns - Mike Tomlin (knows the AFC North better than anyone, will overtake Pittsburgh)

7. Arizona Cardinals - Jason Garrett (Cardinals thought they had to draft a former QB for coach. Simple misunderstanding)

8. Buffalo Bills - John Harbaugh (how did the SB winning coach slip this far? He's just glad to be picked up by Buffalo before the Jets swooped him up)

9. NY Jets - Tom Coughlin (in an unusual twist for the severely punctual coach, Coughlin shows up 20 minutes late to his press conference. The first of many signs that show that the more things change, the more the crazy shit stays the same).

10. Tennessee Titans - Jeff Fisher (the city where he started welcomes him back with open arms, now that the Titans are ready for another 12 year stretch of playing for second place to the Colts)

11. San Diego Chargers - Marvin Lewis (disappointed that Norv Turner wasn't available to keep around for another five years of underachieving, the Chargers went with the most tenured coach who hasn't accomplished as much as his resume may seem. San Diego is hoping Lewis can cut back on his playoff appearances to keep with the annual tradition of pretending to show a pulse in December to save the ass of their coach.

12. Miami Dolphins - Mike Shanahan (as Shanahan looks to make a stop at every team who drafted a QB in 2012. Tannehill - watch your knees: you're fucked)

13. NY Jets - Greg Schiano (the league is aware that the Jets have two coaches but believe it provides them no competitive advantage. In trading Revis to the Bucs, it was only fair to get their coach who knows a thing or two about how to play till the very end, even if the game has already been decided. Somehow, the Jets thought it'd be a good idea for Schiano to coach w/ Coughlin, who was furious at Schiano's bull rush when Eli kneeled down. In other news, Goodell ok'ed Revis being player/coach/perennial whiner of being underpaid for Tampa Bay)

14. Carolina Panthers - Ron Rivera (the first team to draft the same coach they already had. Whispers around the league suggest the Panthers were just too lazy to figure out the names of the other coaches remaining in the draft)

15. New Orleans Saints - Mike McCarthy (The Saints are looking to score and allow the most points in NFL history. They have a good shot w/ McCarthy at the helm).

16. St. Louis Rams - John Fox (They figured he had the same initials as Jeff Fisher, so all the legal documents that required a J.F. can remain in tact. One problem solved.)

17. Pittsburgh Steelers - Rob Chudzinski ("We showed you," Rooney says to Browns brass for taking their old coach. A world where the Browns have a better coach than Pittsburgh - now you know this is a fictional writing)

18. Dallas Cowboys - Gus Bradley (Jerry Jones needed to find the most likely guy to pin blame on when the free agents, draft picks and trades he makes go sour. Since Garrett was shockingly picked earlier in the round, Jones was scrambling for a scapegoat. A guy named Gus - sounds like a winner in Jerry's book.)

19. NY Giants - Chuck Pagano (W/ Pagano's defensive background, the move makes perfect sense. Not too often that sentence has been uttered in this grueling round of draft picks).

20. Chicago - Marc Trestman (C'est la vie! The Bears are tres excited to get their coach back in the draft.)

21. Cincinnati - Andy Reid (He lasted this long? Cincy wants another coach they can tenure to .500 stardom)

22. Washington - Pete Carroll (The Rams traded their draft pick back to the Skins, who were somehow able to get the rising coach this late. The only catch: the guy whose nasty injury came at the hands of his old team will not be behind center for a while. Revenge - a dish best served cold)

23. Minnesota - Bruce Arians (an overachieving coach unites w/ an overachieving team)

24. Indianapolis - Gary Kubiak (He has the experience to take an AFC South team to first place finishes as he desperately coaches for his job)

25. Seattle - Chip Kelly (Minnesota traded back the pick, and what a fitting pick for the Seahawks. A successful Pac-12 coach succeeding another former Pac-12 coach. With Wilson, Harvin & Lynch, the former Oregon coach invents offenses that can only be understood when looking from space.)

26. Green Bay - Joe Philbin (Phibin's old ties to Green Bay make this move a perfect fit).

27. Houston - Lezlie Frazier (For the Texans, their choices were a bunch of guys named Mike, or a guy with a girl's first name. They chose the latter)

28. Denver - Mike McCoy (His background with the Broncos helps w/ this picks. What also helps: there's like no one else available)

29. New England - Mike Munchak (Brady helps Munchak become the next "greatest coach in NFL history who sucked at his previous gig")

30. Atlanta - Mike Smith (could this guy be any more disrespected? falls all the way back to his old team)

31. San Francisco - Doug Marrone (the 49ers flipped a coin with the remaining two coaches. Marrone was tails)

32. Baltimore - Dennis Allen (hey, he was the only guy left. Not Flacco's fault)

Mel Kiper: ESPN's Weather Man

Hate him all you want, but Mel Kiper has earned his spot on NFL Draft coverages

With the NFL draft days away, so begins Part 2 of the NFL's elaborate offseason (with Part 1 being free agency). That got me to thinking about Mel Kiper, Jr.

What's an NFL draft without Kiper? After all, he's been breaking down the draft since he was a college kid. He created a niche for himself at ESPN for an event that was previously untelevised. This year will be the 30th draft that he has analyzed. Which begs the question...

Does anyone have a better gig at ESPN than him? Think about it.

His only job for ESPN is to break down the current crop of college talent that are pro-level talents. That's it. Sure, he gives his mock drafts and updates them accordingly, based on how certain teams may be viewing a guy or how a guy might have done at a recent combine.  But he doesn't even need to be right in his analysis to stay in his current gig!

Here are just a few clips/quotes of horrendous bits of analysis (hindsight being the decider in the word 'horrendous'). Quotes obtained through various websites (verified quotes through multiple websites):

Analysis of JaMarcus Russell: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ZubYpplmzVk#t=49s "Three years from now, you could be looking at a guy who's certainly one of the elite top 5 quarterbacks in this league...his skill level is John Elway-like".

Regarding Mike Williams, USC WR who the Lions picked early in the 2005 draft: "I'll see you at his Hall of Fame induction." He was out of football by 2008.

Regarding Akili Smith, a high pick for the Cincinnati Bengals in the QB-rich first round of the 1999 draft: "...will be a great NFL player and would finally provide the Cincinnati Bengals with the passer they'd lacked since Boomer Esiason." Smith would go on to start only 17 games for Cincy before bouncing around other NFL stops, NFL Europe & the CFL.

There are plenty of other bad breakdowns that he's had in his time as an analyst, which is bound to happen when you're analyzing over 250 picks a year for almost 30 years. In fact, when the 2013 version of the draft is done (which features 254 picks), here are Kiper's stats. Sorry I do not have a 40 time or what his standing squat reps are.

• 30 years of analysis
• 256 rounds (from 1984-92, there were 12 rounds; 1993 featured 8 rounds. Since then there have been 7 rounds).
• 8259 draft picks
• At least one draft pick, Kiper was able to analyze twice (Bo Jackson was drafted #1 overall by Tampa Bay in 1986, but since he never signed there, he was eligibile for the draft in 1987, when he went to the Raiders)

At the current rate of about 255 picks per draft, Kiper would reach the 10,000 pick mark in about the 6th round of the year 2020. Now I should note, I am not aware of how ESPN did the draft in the early days - whether Kiper analyzed just about every pick back in the day like he does now is unknown to me. All I know is, that's a lot of damn players, so error on his part is understandable.

There's no question he's one of the best at what he does - he was the draft analyst pioneer. That's not to say he doesn't have his faults, as noted above. And some skeptics (like a football fan who I spoke with at a friend's party last weekend) believe that his role in the draft now may be more to boost the draft status of certain agent's players rather than provide solid, hard-hitting analysis.

You might be able to outpick Kiper in a 1st round mock, but you'll never get his gig.

I, like many other football fans, are a little jealous that Kiper has created the perfect niche for himself in the NFL, where his job consists solely of analyzing the draft prospects of pro-eligible college football players. I am even more jealous of a guy who doesn't even need to be right most of the time in order to keep his job, whether it be right with his analysis or his mock drafts (from memory, his mock drafts have been just as sporadic as the average sports reporter who fills one of these out).

The only other guy who can be this wrong is the ESPN bracketologist Joe Lunardi, but that's college basketball, so who cares - we're talking about the NFL here.

I may not like the guy, but I sure as hell respect him for getting this gig from the early days of ESPN through current time. Kudos to Kiper for being the NFL's version of a weather man.

Mocking the Draft

There's nothing that gets people more worked up in the American sporting world away from the playing of the sport itself than drafts - specifically the NFL Draft. It's the time of year where people who watched 1-2 games of college football suddenly know about 90-95% of the players available to draft.

Ryan Leaf: From 2nd pick overall (almost 1st BEFORE Peyton Manning)
to Bust to Fugitive. Perfect example on not to always trust experts.

These "experts" know what player will fill each team's need the best, based highly on what they read from other "experts", which include talking heads on sports networks and radio.

The second category of experts has watched a little more football than the first group, but by no means would I call them experts. With very few exceptions, many of these folks are merely just guessing without any actual knowledge of who a general manager/coach is targeting with their exact picks.

I came across a site that ranks the efficiency of writers and other draft experts in their ability to pick the first round of the draft: http://www.thehuddlereport.com/Free/mockdraftscoring.shtml. The system for ranking who picks the best is fairly simple - 2 points are given to a guy who picks the exact team/pick that a player is picked by and 1 point is given if you simply picked the guy to be picked in the first round. Note that the best guys are able to pick 8-9 players to their correct teams (or about 25%), with the very best picking 12 of the 32 (less than 40%). That doesn't seem very expertly. It seems more like a batting average.

I don't care that expertly isn't a word - it is now.

With this year's draft, anyone who isn't able to pick at least two of the players to the right team is a complete moron, so I wouldn't be surprised if someone is able to match or exceed that 12 number, but probably no better than 13 or 14 right.

Anyone who spends a few minutes reading team mock drafts suddenly uses those mocks as the standard by which a player can be considered a reach or a steal. While it's not a bad start to base your opinions on this, I'd say you're better off reading the guys who study this for a living and not the guys who write the random blog (i.e. me). There's a reason I'm not doing a mock draft - I don't have an eye for evaluating college players outside of the statistics I see.

I'm definitely not familiar with offensive tackles - I like to rely on the real expert's opinions on those. I have an idea of some of the offensive studs and some of the defensive guys, but by no means do I know enough to develop a competent mock draft. And based on the scores that many of these "experts" have had in the past 5 years, neither do they.

I say - take these mock drafts for what they are worth: one man's opinion on who each team should or will select based on their perceived needs and "value" of the pick. Sometimes you may not have a particular need at a position, but a player may fall to your team that is too good to pass up. What one team may perceive to be a potential bust, another may see a Pro Bowler (well, this term may be antique now with the Pro Bowl potentially being extinct).

Enjoy the 2012 draft. Hopefully your team gets someone who helps your team out in the next 5-10 years. If they don't get someone that you want, there's a good chance they may know a little more than you and they are picking that player for a reason.

Unless they're the Cleveland Browns. In that case, I say - Enjoy your Super Bowl today!